Sunday, August 26, 2007

There's Crazy, and then there's UTAH Crazy

Below happened this week- How did I get here?

Friday at 6 pm, standing in the Blockbuster in Bountiful, I realized that we were in a very unique place. Brent and I stood in front of approximately 50 empty cases for the LDS romance movie “Anxiously Engaged”, every single one had been checked out, along with every other cheesy LDS genre film.

In church some one said in their prayer “We’re grateful to live in Utah” Have you heard some one in California say in a prayer, “We’re grateful to live in California”? And we Californians LOVE our state. I don’t think even Texans would say such things. I wonder if there is a local Rameumptom.

My sister’s boyfriend has been living with his parents (in Kamas, UT) as he is preparing to go on a mission. He needs his parents financial support in order to finance his health bills and living expenses. They tell him, “While you live in our house, you live by our rules” One of which was to cut off all communication with my sweet 19 year old sister except for letters, in July, 2 months before he leaves on his mission. They forbade him from calling/talking to my sister weeks before his farewell. So much for teaching them correct principles and letting them govern themselves.

I was taken back when in the middle of the frozen food aisle at the local grocery store I saw President Hinckley's face staring at me, on a greeting card saying "Congratulations on your Baptism!", along with other cards congratulating people on missions, temple weddings and the likes, right across from the frozen peas.

A friendly guy introduced himself to us at a local HomeDepot. We had an interesting conversation with this total stranger, and liked him. Brent and HomeDepot dude exchanged cards. A week later he left a message on Brent’s phone saying there was something that he felt he REALLY needed to talk about. As suspected, he had a 'business opportunity', he wanted Brent to join his MLM. Be wary when a Utahn says he owns his own business- what he means is “I own my own downline”.

Friday, I got my haircut by a very nice young man. He mentioned that he spoke Chinese, he learned it on his mission, in New York. I said, "Man, that must have been tough" and he said, "Yeah, especially since I'm gay"

Driving down I-15 in the middle of the August heat, watching the billboards for the Missionary Mall and the newest CD by Janice Kapp Perry- I began to sing...

There are more stories about Utah Crazy, better stories, please share yours. I want to know as Michael McClean sang on the radio this morning, during Sounds of the Sabbath- "I'm not alone"

UPDATE: To those of you from Utah that have taken offense from this post please click HERE


f*bomb. said...

Does it count that people talk to me in other languages ASSUMING I'm Thai/Philippina/Japanese/insert Asian language you learned on a mission here, and then get frustrated at ME when I don't understand what they're saying to me?!?!

bechtold clan said...

I laughed at your post. Im from Cali as well and even after 12 years here, am shocked at events I either read, hear about or experience. would think with the amount of transplants here there would be less craziness and more normal stuff, but it seems like the opposite...
I never thought I would end up here or raise my kids here, amazing how time flies and work keeps one here.....

crazy4danes said...

K, I think everyone that's NOT from this state can totally relate to this one!!! I was walking out of the Michael's here in Draper and as I'm walking to my car I notice a guy in a suit RUNNING in my direction. K, anyone running at me is going to piss me off right there. As I try to ignore him and walk quickly to my car he starts yelling at me..."ma''am!" As I'm putting my keys in the ignition he sticks his face in my window and proceeds to ask me if I'd like to know more about God's plan...or something to that effect. I try to be polite and tell him I'm a member but then he proceeds to then want to know what ward I'm I have any non-member friends I can send their way...etc. K, this isn't the only time this has happened. I have had missionaries ambush us on our way out of restraunts and grocery stores many times and the more it happens the ruder my responses become. I don't know if it's a Draper thing...but what happened to good old fashion TRACKTING! My brothers (who all served missions) are stunned that they are allowed to even do that. I can only imagine how this makes the NON-members feel! I would be pissed if some guy catches me on my way out of the grocery store with my kids in tow, and starts in on religion...This guy was lucky I was in Utah and not California, and suspected his intent or he could have been running away screaming in pain from the mace I just unloaded in his face! ;P This place is know it's bad when you can purchase a CTR ring at the checkout stand in WalMart!

Kam said...

You are hilarious! I can't stop laughing!

Salt H2O said...

Bechtold Clan-
I'm having a hard time finding the other transplants- maybe we should hold monthly meetings...I don't think I could last 12 years. Maybe 8, but not 12. You're a stong woman.

ThomCarter said...

In all my prayers I thank the Lord that I live in Jersey! And thank him again that I am not in Utah.

Bless you heart that you are living there.

PS - hook a brother up!

Vanilla Vice said...

Get out. Now. I think I've selectively erased the years of Utah out of my mind. I haven't been back since I graduated, and I won't go back. You'll have to drag me kicking and screaming. Like a caveman bringing his woman to his cave. That'w how I imagine it happening...

Anonymous said...

nice one

Anonymous said...

I was raised in the church and raised in the 'terrible 'awful 'pitiful state of Utah. I was taught to be a member missionary, not to mock missionary's or leader, and not to speak ill of the lords annointed (missionaries). Not sure how they taught it in California. If Crazy4danes served a mission she would know that tracking is somewhat pointless. retention for membership comes from MEMBER referrals, By you and me, and all of us getting OUT of our comfort zone and sharing the gospel, by being a member missionary.

I do not understand why Californian's all have the same disgusting disease. They all ridicule and tear apart Utah, but hen they all move here. If it is sooooo terrible, dont come, or leave. Or be grateful for the wonderful great thing that Utah has . ..and that's why your there.

California Mormon need to grow up and realize Utah is wonderful. Geographically you cant beet it, mtns, lakes, river, desert, its beautiful. And with all that nature come all the great activities to do, ski, boat, hike, sand doones, etc etc.

Be grateful you do not have to pack a car loads of prevision and kids to spend ALL day or ALL week travelign to get to a temple. As UTAHNS you have several superbly accessible temples-- be grateful. You unlike the vast majority of the church can attend conference-- be grateful.

you can go by a religous book for your kids that accurately depicts the gospel. you have strength in numbers, loads of church resources, DI (even just for halloween costumes), cheap price for great college and universities, opportunities to meet others like you (why else did you come to school here CA has but loads of colleges, w/ in state tuition?), be grateful.

I would rather see cheesy LDS films all gone then have LDS women watching desperate housewives- in no way can you justify watching any of that garbage. I would rather embrace my religion and get a LDS greeting card that said what I wanted instead of scratching off bar mitts fa (sp?) for baptism.

what is so wrong with mormanism? Yeah people take it over board, yeah people are crazy, . . .you cant tell me there are no cooks in CA. At least our cooks have religion and in their interesting insane way they are trying to express that.

I think All the pre-CA that are now Utards need to mature and realise they are a part of the mormon culture.

Salt H2O said...


Your comment is very "Utah", everything gets taken so personally.

There are some massive advantages to living here, not the least of which is we can afford a nice home. The post isn't about judging Utah, it was about a week-a very weird week.

I will not "mature" and be a part of the Mormon culture. I'm a member of the LDS church. There's a difference.

No Whining said...

Maturity is over rated.

Some Southern Californian's just love So Cal...they can't help it.
And they miss the beach. And they go a little crazy...that is when no one is safe and you (Utah) are all weirdos.

Sam said...

Funniest and most accurate post I have ever read. So glad to be back east living after doing my time in Utah.

Go Bears, not Cougs! said...

Anon makes me want to barf. I'm almost ashamed to be a member of the same SPECIES, let alone the same religion (which, by the way, is "Mormon" not "Morman". You must not have attended the cheap universities you've been bragging about.).

Salt h20 was not slamming your state. She was slamming some of the many weirdos who live there. Weirdos live in California, too, but that's not what her post was about. Examples of CA crazy: a man stopped us on the street asking if we'd like to hear his poetry. We say sure, he recites it, it's crap, we give him our spare change anyway, and then he chases us down the street, yelling that we're killing babies because we are part of corporate America. Then there's the woman who told my sister-in-law off after her kid's door knicked my sister-in-law's because "my car's worth way more than yours." There's also the hordes of people who blame their cleaning lady for stealing things when, in fact, it's their teenage kids selling the stuff to buy weed.

I'm just glad that Utah is part of the United States, and hence is subject to freedom of speech. Heaven forbid what would happen in the People's Republic of Utah. No wonder people think that Mormons are so weird.

Salt H2O said...

Sam thanks for the praise.

I think only those that have been in Utah but not of Utah get it.

Bears, thanks for pointing out there are, lots and lots of wierdos live in California- it's just nice that the guy yelled at you that you were killing babies and not that you worshiped Joseph Smith and you should take another wife!

No Whining said...

A perfect example of Utah weird:

"Today, law enforcement in Orem has enshrined itself as the laughing stock of our country by prosecuting a 70-year-old great-grandmother for allegedly not watering her lawn," Allred told reporters outside the courthouse.
"This ill-conceived action ensures Orem's law-enforcement authorities first place in [Guinness World Records] for stupidity."

Utard said...

Hmmm, you noticed that every copy of the cheesy LDS genre films were checked out. Why were you looking for them in the first place? And why on earth would a class-act such as yourself be even remotely concerned about what other people are watching? That sounds kind of like something those nosy Utards would do, doesn't it?

Salt H2O said...

Sorry to diss on some of your favorite movies of all time.

Better get to Wal-Mart soon, Singles Ward 2 just came out on DVD, and I'm sure it's going to go fast.

Please see the post: Touchy Touchy

Utard said...

Singles Ward 2? Allright!!! I'll be first in line!!! Maybe if you get down off your pedastal for a few minutes you can come and watch it with me. Oh, I forgot, after you get off your pedastal your time is spent in front of the mirror gazing dreamily into your own eyes and marveling over how perfect you are. I guess you're going to miss out.

BTW, my name really is Utard.

NewEngland79 said...

Thank you for reminding me why I don't live in Utah. Yikes! Why is it that all the weird Mormon stuff at church is always espoused by those who have moved here from Utah? When Utahans go on vacation...they drive to Park City. Then when they move outside the state, they go on vacation...back to Utah.

P.S. To the "anonymous" post above (dated 9/9/07) who has never lived in the State of Reality, clearly you don't understand that you can live outside of Utah and still "live in the world and not of the world."