Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Adventures in Internet Dating

In January of 2005 I decided it was time to get married, my checklist was completed, my friends were gone- time to find the husband. I wanted to get married at 28 and this was my year. I set a goal to date as much as possible. Huntington Beach doesn't offer a vast supply of driven, successful, LDS men- so I decided to ‘out source’.

Three friends, beautiful women in their early 30’s, met attractive, successful men on an internet networking site- ldslinkup. LDSLinkup is like myspace for mormons, minus the porn. I put a profile on the linkup, and began meeting random LDS guys, at first it was with the intent to find a mate, but it quickly just turned in dating for sheer entertainment value.

There was the sociopath, the guy who had been accused of rape (but was found not guilty by the courts), the stalker, the drunk, and the otherwise personality deficient. Most women that have ventured into the world wide web to expand their social lives have experienced all of these, and worse, there is a story that is particularily entertaining.

I started talking to a guy in Florida on a Wednesday evening, we had instant chemistry, by Friday he decided he HAD to meet me and bought a ticket to fly out Sunday- since we had a few mutual friends, I figured I was safe, he asked if he could camp out on my couch and I said no problem. Stupid, I know stupid. However, I was pretty flattered that after 2 days of conversation I was worth a $660 flight across the country.

Within the first 30 minutes we knew this was a mistake, not just because he didn’t look remotely like his picture, but because he had 4 kids, was an alcoholic and oh yeah, ex-communicated from the church (how a minor thing like that gets left out of conversation…I don’t know) personality wise, he was about as entertaining as rerun of Mama’s Family. I wanted to dump him at bus stop- but his return flight was Monday night.

We suffered through Sunday, I went to bed calling myself an idiot. I woke the next morning with that sick feeling at the bottom of my gut- I had to entertain a stranger for an entire day- who wasn’t cute, funny, moral, or even rich. What happened next was nothing less than a gift from God- he was gone. No note, no message, no voicemail,no text, his bag was gone and so was he. I went out into the street, no sign of the dude. After I checked to make sure nothing was stolen, I erupted with uncontrollable laughter. This had to be the most random experience ever, andI had to immediately share this with everyone. I called friends, none answered. Strangely, the first person I talked to was some other dude I had met on the linkup. We were friends, we had never met, and we talked often. Brent thought the story was hilarious, and immediately called his friends to share with them this internet dating disaster. I never heard from Florida linkup dude again (he did however contact my friend Lori to see if she was interested..).

Eight months later I married Brent.

Friday, September 21, 2007

For my brother, who doesn't read blog, only watches the videos

Robert Goulet is the root of all evil

Be more constructive with your feedback...please

Only a Nija could be funnier than Will Farrel

Do what you wanna living color

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Maybe George W and I have more in common than I thought…

My friends that got married before me said all newly weds got called to the Nursery. I understand that the Nursery plays a vital role, but it seems unfair to stick people that do not have children themselves, babysitting. Sure, once I have a toddler of my own it’s only fair that I do my share of the babysitting- but when you’re childless, it seems like needless punishment.

I thought I was going to avoid the Nursery, the first ward we lived in it was temporary, so we didn’t receive callings. Before we moved into our current ward we met the bishop. I asked the bishop in the presence of the Nursery president (our next door neighbor), to NOT call me to the nursery. Long conversation about how if he wants me to procreate the last thing I should be doing is watching young children at church.

Guess what calling was extended to me today?

I’m assuming he forgot our previous conversation, and when my name came up they thought “oh, newly wed. It might be good for her to spend time with some babies” Problem is, I don’t like babies, I like kids. If I work in the Nursery, I’ll post pone having children. They can be cute, funny, fun, whatever, but they can also whine, poop in their pants and throw tantrums. I’m not a nursery person- stick me teaching the 7 year old boys- yes, 2 year olds- no.

Maybe it’s, inspired, maybe I should spend 2 hours each Sunday babysitting for ‘spiritual blessings’ (aka free) Maybe it will open my eyes to the error of my ways, and I’ll quit my job, stop watching CNN and want to spend the rest of my life pregnant, scrap booking, and perfecting my tuna casserole.

Am I completely off base here for not wanting to serve in the Nursery? Am I being prideful because I think this calling was extended to me due to a stereotype? Am I the only one that only likes babies for about 15 minutes then I'm done? Am I a big jerstore for thinking that this calling could make me become a 'sacrement only' kind of gal?

Brent thinks I'm a looney toon.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Touchy Touchy

A good friend of mine posted about her recent trip to Utah, in which she complained about the heat, absence of nightly activities and lack of good looking, single, educated, LDS men. After which she was slammed by a number of Utahans.
Farrah Spot

My recent post about a weird week in Utah, prompted an anon poster to get majorly defensive about where they live (if you’re going to try to put me in my place, fight like a man and post your name!) The strange thing is, I posted a list of events, and in no way slammed the state itself.

I marvel that the people of Utah take critics of their state so personally. Any criticism, of any element is taken to heart. I have good friends that were born and bread in Utah, and they are some of the coolest girls I know. The reason why, they own it! They love Utah for what it is, and can laugh at it when it’s being ridiculous. They are normal.

I love Utah for a number of reasons, let me say this again I LIKE UTAH. How could I not find things to love about a state that sells eggs for $1.20 a dozen? I grew up skiing at Alta, temple square at Christmas time, and I have the most wonderful neighbors in the world. My husband and I could buy a house, and not go into so much debt we have to live on cheerios and mayonnaise. That being said, I reserve the right to mock things about this state which are silly, stupid and absolutely ridiculous.

The common response for any negative comment, dating back to the early 70's was “If you don’t like it then leave”- logic which is not only flawed, but representative of the mentality of the majority of the state. Why look at making things better? Conform or Go Away.

I moved to the Mormon capital of the world, I accept that. If I was to move to Rome, I’d expect to hear about Catholics, if I was in Jerusalem I’d expect to hear about the Jews- so I’m in Salt Lake City, and every time something ‘Mormon’ is on the news I think “When in Rome.” Because it is the Mormon capital of the world, and I am indeed very Mormon, it's not surprising that I may point out all things silly in this state. However, it's not about YOU!

If I can’t handle the weeks of inversion, I’m not calling you retarded for wanting to live in Utah- the facts are- the sun really doesn’t shine in Utah for about 6 weeks straight in the winter time, the heat in the summer is sometimes unbearable, everyone in this state looks exactly the same,Salt Lake City did elect idoit mayor Rocky Anderson to office- twice, Kirby Hayborne is a local superstar, Saturday’s Warrior IS being performed at the local community center in Bountiful and Utahans do take themselves far too seriously.

The Church must know we take ourselves too seriously, it explains this month’s ensign article on Laughter: Click Here

Lighten up.

Warning: the Following Video is kind of Creepy

Does it give me street cred that I know Kirby Hayborne, personally?