Monday, October 29, 2007
Yo VIP, Let's Kick It*
Vanilla Ice, in concert for FREE- and we had backstage passes. Sure he was playing in a town where gun shots ring out like a bell, where you hit the ground and all you hear is shells, but this was ICE ICE BABY! The seventh grade Kory would have been so proud. The concert was timely, as I have recently incorporated the term “wiggidy wiggidy wack” back into my vocabulary.
Who goes to a Vanilla Ice Concert at a bar named Teazers in Ogden, Utah aside from 2 Mormon couples in their 30’s? I wondered the same thing myself-
Your dad was there
Ice Ice Baby too old, too old
Girls were old and fat wearing less than bikinis. They were probably hoping to see those Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis. Making you look at pictures of those old skanks wouldn't be right, but this is how Brent and Bart looked most of the night.
It was appropriate that the opening act consisted of the world's worst white rappers,PacMan and Sicko - We weren't ready for these chumps on the wall, the were probably acting ill 'cause they're so full of eight balls.
Who did we NOT see?
There was a problem and Ice didn’t solve it. We waited 2 ½ hours to for the DJ to revolve it- the air was like a chemical spill, and those 40 year old skanks wouldn’t chill. Our ears had been assaulted by the worst opening act in history, why we remained there was still a mystery. Our clothing wreaked of cheap perfume and cigarettes, and at 11:30 we were told it was going to be another 20 minutes. Though he may be deadly when he plays a dope melody anything less than the best for us is a felony. As Mr. Van Winkle says, “Love it or Leave it”, we weren't lovin' it, so we said, “Yo, let’s get out of here”
The next time you see your mom, tell her I said ‘Word’.
*If you were born after 1985 or before 1965, this post will seem incoherent and totally ridiculous