Friday, November 30, 2007

Fabulous Item of the Week- Pandora

A number of you are going to say I'm pretty slow on the take, as Pandora has been around for a while.

Customized listening- you build your own radio stations. Choose an artist you like- say Dean Martin, and then the station will choose artists to add to your radio station LIKE Dean Martin. If you don't like a certain song- give it a thumbs down and the station will never play that song ever again.

Love a particular tune? Type in the song name and Pandora will build a radio station around it.

Best part- Pandora is FREE.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Invisible Hand Does Laundry

My mom was a helicopter pilot and an artist. What did she do with her free time? Laundry. I never saw her fly and she used her artistic skills to help her kids with school projects. However, doing the laundry and cooking permitted her to do what was most important to her, hang with her kids.

As a teenager I thought, “Why on earth would I want to spend the rest of my life cleaning up after people? There has to be a better way” About the same time in high school economics I learned about the invisible hand. Society functions at its best when every one specializes in what they’re good at, and then engages in trade. Why can’t I, as a mother, do the same?

I do not cook, I do not clean, I do not scrap book, I do not bake, I am a terrible homemaker. I can rip it on a snowboard, I can negotiate, I manage finances, I know how to get a job easily and help others to do the same and I can sell software. It seems counter productive for my plan in life to be a traditional ‘homemaker’

So why not apply Adam Smith’s economic philosophy to motherhood? Why can’t mothers make money doing what we’re skilled at and then pay others to do what we're not skilled at doing (i.e. laundry)? According to Adam Smith our economy as a whole will benefit. It makes sense, if you sell your crafts on eBay, decide to become a photographer, or practice law, then use that money to employ another to clean your house; you’ve just given someone a job- and created a positive impact on our economy.

It was hard for my mom to give up her life of art and flying to watch Sesame Street and do laundry. I benefited from having a stay at home mom, not because she cleaned the house, but because she was there to listen to me.
In addition, a very good friend of mine’s mom is a doctor, and a single mother. She’d go to work and pick up dinner on the way home; she hired a cleaning lady, so that when she was home her kids got her time and attention. All of her children turned out great- they went to college at Columbia, UCLA and BYU. They became very successful individuals, and kind people. They were in no way impacted because their mother wasn’t the stereotypical ‘homemaker’, because she took time to listen to and talk to her kids. (Side note, this woman has also given a great deal of time and energy to humanitarian efforts in 3rd world countries, and sits on the LDS church’s medical board)

If you like to iron, clean and cook- I applaud you. I know there are thousands of women who have chosen to stay at home and do chores they hate in order to be there for their children, which I admire greatly. I'm not that strong- I'd go nuts. With telecommuting, is it still required that to be at home with your kids means you must do housework? Is there a reason why the invisible hand can’t apply to motherhood, and each of us can find a way to specialise in what we do best? Can we be stay at home mothers, but still working moms? As I am not a mother, I don’t know I that I’m the most qualified person to write on this topic- but as a woman, hoping to be a mother- I very much hope that being a good mother has nothing to do with the laundry.

Monday, November 26, 2007

What Blogs Do You Stalk?

I'm in need of some good reading, but I'm sick of meandering through the blogosphere hoping to land on a gem of a blog. I'm asking your help- can you suggest any good blogs?

Random Fact

Did you know that some Native Americans refuse to use the $20 bill because Andrew Jackson's face is on it?

I had no idea until this thankgiving weekend, but it makes a lot of sense. If Lilburn Boggs' face was on a bill, I'd refuse to use it too.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Talking Smack

It’s time- BYU v. U of U football game. For those 2 of my 6 readers that don’t live in Utah, you can’t understand the amount of emotion that goes into this game. Those of us that attended BYU loved BYU, those that attended the U hated BYU. Maybe some of you readers know BYU students that hate the U, I personally don’t know one- and I attended that school for 5 years. However, every U of U graduate I know DESPISES the Y. Their hatred for the Y far out weighs their love for the U. One school is defined by its love, the other by its hate.

Here’s the thing U of U, every one hates the Y- SDSU thinks it’s their big rivalry game, Wyoming has ALWAYS hated us (thanks to your nice onside kick, they now hate you too) and we were once voted the most hated team in the nation. If you think your hatred towards us affects us, it does- we’re inspired by it and encouraged. After the U’s loss last year, I was NOT allowed to bring up the game in certain company because it angered these men- whistling the BYU fight song was enough to get me kicked out of a house. Grown UTE fans cry over a BYU loss. BYU fans will shed no tears- because though we may lose the game, statistics prove that we’ll be going to better bowl than the U anyhow.

Yes, BYU students are self-righteous, smug and think they are getting a superior education to the U students (which is somewhat justified by their higher starting pay upon graduation, and national educational rankings, but still- it’s not like you’re attending Yale)I'm not saying that BYU students are perfect- (though a good number of them think they are) however, statistically we have a much much more successful record than the U.

U of U students walk around with chips on their shoulders feeling like they have to prove that their education is better, their football team is better and because they drink alcohol regularly they are better than those blinded sheep in Provo. (Yes, I do understand that people in Provo party too- but they weren’t voted stone cold sober like 8 years in a row for nothing) If the U could get over this inferiority complex losing wouldn't be so depressing.

I LOVE attending the BYU Uof U games in the U of U stadium. Why? I’m a girl and I talk Smack, not Trash. As Kelly from the office so perfectly described last week- talking trash is ambiguous saying, “Your mama’s so fat she could eat the whole Internet” while talking smack is fact such as “You’re ugly, and I know because I’ve got the evidence Right Here” (You had to see the episode) As a female in a stadium full of Utes, I can hold my own- and with my 20 year old sister by my side we sing the BYU fightsong in a sea of red. There is no victory as sweet as when you are on visitor turf-

I’m ready for Saturday to hear the ever so effective “BYU SUCKS” chants from the Utes (and you guys wonder why BYU students feel smug in their quality of their education) or the original “BY WHO?” Common- if your really don’t know who Brigham Young is, and you’re attending the University of Utah- you may have a solid case for getting your tuition back.

This Saturday I challenge the Ute fans to criticize BYU with a bit more tenacity and cleverness- show us that your state funded education has paid off and put together a sentence that involves more than two words, and a vocabulary that expands beyond four letters. So when that arrogant brunette and her 20 year old sister say it’s too bad Urban Meyer dropped you like a bad prom date-and asking you how many conference titles or national championship titles your team holds (yes I still live in 1984), you’ll have something a bit more effective to respond with.

Monday, November 19, 2007

No Longer an Opinon, It's Now a Fact

Look where Utah Ranks versus where California Ranks....

Click Here For Driving Stupid

Thanks Chelsea

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Sweet Revenge

In High School there was a girl in my early morning class that I did not get along with- she was self-absorbed, snotty and slightly over-weight. She was unkind, had weight issues, so every day I gave her my doughnut.

When I worked at the BYU Cougar Eat in the Ice Cream area, I’d get the occasional Abercrombie Zombie come to buy a blizzard- because she annoyed me, she got extra brownies in her blizzard.

I managed a Juice Bar called Nectars next door to what use to be Power House Gym, in Provo Utah. One day the bosses’ girlfriend came in, annoying, demanding and bossy, and said she wanted to eat healthy, and then ordered a chocolate peanut butter smoothie.

I then proceeded to put in a bit of milk, a ton of ice cream, three HEAPING tablespoons of peanut butter- some Hershey’s syrup and topped it off with 2 scoops of Weight Gainer 2000 (2000 calories per scoop) Estimated Caloric Intake: 5,000 Calories and 42 Grams of Fat

She said it was the best smoothie she had ever tasted. After I quit she’d come up to me on campus and tell me that no-one could make a chocolate peanut butter smoothie like I could. No one.

Sure my friends think I’m mad at them if I give them a plate of brownies, and those small instances of calorie sabotage had virtually no effect on these girls- but I felt like I was bringing balance to the universe. I don’t think revenge is the proper word, revenge conjures up images of angry women blowing up their ex-husbands’ sports cars. It’s not so much as revenge as giving Karma a hand.

It’s no surprise that my favorite literary work is The Count of Monte Cristo. The book is about the most brilliant, well thought out and perfectly executed revenge (it’s nothing like the movie).

So now I’m all grown up... kind of. Nine times out of ten I figure Karma will work things out on her own, maintaining a live and let live philosophy. Living a life of vengeance is unfulfilling and stressful. However, every once in a while, the only thing that will bring peace is giving Karma a hand, and bringing equality back to the universe. My universe came back to balance yesterday when the manager at Equity Title called me and said, “I wanted to let you know that we’re recording your title today, DESPITE what you wrote on you blog” and hung up on me.

Yes, the universe is right again, and I didn’t even have to buy her a doughnut.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Equity Title = Pure Evil

Re-financing and purchasing a home are stressful events, and over the past month Brent and I have been dealing with a title company which has made every step of the process as painful and cumbersome as possible. Just when you think they couldn’t get any more incompetent- BAM! They out do themselves- over, and over, and over again. One would assume the finance and real estate industry would require people to pay attention to small details like dates, closing costs, a lien on the property and that my parents aren’t dead. (Long Story) My question is, how can we exact financial repercussions on Equity Title for their astronomically poor service? (You’d get bored with the details)

Management with in the title company doesn’t care- they only value their relationships with lenders and real estate agents that bring them the chumps to make change of title.

I’m tempted to scratch on gas station bathroom walls Equity Title = Satan, maybe I should just target bathroom walls in Real Estate Offices.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Crazy Old Bat

Who takes their senile mother on the campaign trail with them?

How much of the AZ population is LDS?

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Dr. Laura, Me and Pornography

I had just found out that the guy I was dating was addicted to pornography, and was sitting in my car dumbfounded- How do I make my feelings about forgiveness correlate with my skin crawling at the thought of porn? I couldn’t handle listening to trite lyrics on FM radio, but I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts, so I switched to AM and heard, “If you have a question for Dr. Laura , give her a call at….” I picked up my cell phone.

DL: “You’ve reached Dr. Laura”
Me: “Hi, Dr. Laura. Here’s the situation, I’ve been dating this guy for about a month, he’s very sweet and very kind”
DL: “BUT?”
Me: “He’s exceptionally thoughtful, one of the nicest guys I’ve dated”
DL: “BUT?”
Me: “He’s addicted to porn”
DL; “Dump him”
Me; “Shouldn’t I work with him on this”
DL: “Look sweetheart, you’re not married to him, this isn’t your problem- it’s his. You don’t want to take this issue into a relationship”
Me; “But he’s so nice”
DL: “You’re being SCHMOOSHED. You’re schmoozable. Looking at porn is one of the most self-absorbed, selfish acts on the planet. Dump him, get out of the relationship. RUN!”
Me: “That sounds like the right answer, Thanks Dr.Laura.”
DL: “You’re welcome honey, and stop dating losers”

This conversation was the beginning of a 3 year rampage I had against porn. I'm still anti-porn but in my single years I was given the nickname "The Pornanator" I felt it was my civic duty to educate every lds single woman out there on the evils of dating porn addicts, and the statistics associated with porn. When I worked at BYU Library Security, a big part of our job was to catch guys looking at porn in the BYU library. If any of you were ever in a relief society class with me post 2002, you probably have heard my anti-porn soapbox. I apologize for the redundancy.

After dating 3 porn addicts, I formulated a way to find out if a guy had a porn problem. It is a very specific question- it isn’t “have you looked at porn?” or ‘Do you have a porn problem’ the exact question to ask is “When was the Last time you looked at porn?”

Don't be tempted to soften this question, by asking if he's had a problem with porn- or anything else- the wording is key WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME you looked at porn. Because I do believe (and statistics will back me up on this) that all guys have been adicted to porn.

You can gauge what kind of a guy he is from his reaction to the question. If he is defensive- he’s out. If he is understanding and commends you for asking such a question because he knows how evil porn is- he’s in. If he says he’s never looked at porn- he’s out. If he grows silent and said that was a trial he had to deal with when he was 17- he’s good. One guy welled up with tears, turned bright red and talked about how it popped up last week when he was on the internet and mis-typed an address, he was defenitly in.

The guy in your life isn’t super special, he's a man. Ask him. Don’t ask if he has a problem, ask him when the last time was that he looked at porn- BEFORE you get emotionally attached.

If the prophet has to talk to the men about this every General Conference, wouldn’t it be prudent of us as women, especially single women looking for a mate, to be on the offensive? Too many marriages are destroyed due to pornography- you’ve got to go into the union with open eyes. It takes courage to ask this question, so ask it now, unless of course, you want to talk to Dr. Laura. I'm sure I could find her phone number for you.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

When are you going to have a BABY?

“Dude, you’re old, when are you going to have a baby?” My gut response for the past 18 months has been, “I live life on my OWN timeline and no one is going to peer pressure ME in to having a child, just because I’m 30!” I watched mothers in airports struggling with their children, looking like they hadn’t combed their own hair for days, thinking “Man I’m not sure I want to do this” I felt sorry for the 19 year old girls pushing around their two children in malls because they never got back pack Europe. I looked at every blasted Ensign article that talked about women that gave up their career for children as propaganda.

Paula Abdul , 45 recently said she’s entered the next phase of her life and wants to get pregnant- and with modern medicine, why not? You’re only single once- might as well live it up and extend single life for as long as possible and you’re only married and childless once- why not extend that phase as well? (not that I'm advocating Paula as any sort of role model)

There is one other thing about a child- once you get pregnant- THERE IS NO TURNING BACK. There is absolutely nothing more permanent in the world than having a child. You are officially a parent FOREVER. I got married at 29, Brent was 33, we’re not the type of people to jump on commitment quickly.

I woke up one day, and everything changed. My maternal instincts have overtaken all logic and now, I have a deep need to put on 50 lbs, and shoot a crying, pooping, needy object out of my body. Don’t ask me why or how- in the battle between hormones and logic, hormones win every time.

After every Fisher Price commercial on TV I give Brent a look of longing, if there are TWO baby commercials in a row I declare that it must be a sign.

I make googly faces at children where ever we are, in Sam’s Club, in traffic, and in church, last Sunday I got a funny look from the 2nd counselor because he caught me playing peek a boo during the rest hymn.

I get extremely excited when my friends post pictures of their children on their blogs, when my brother sent pictures of his daughter, I welled up with tears.

Typical conversation between Brent and I:
“Have I said it today?”
“No, You haven’t”
“Ok, I’m going to say it now.”
“Do you have to say it every day?”
“If I don’t say it every day it’s going to build up inside and we’ll have to have another talk”
“Fine Say it”
Kory then gets in her whiny tone “I want a baby”
“That’s nice, what do you want for dinner”

Yesterday, after a particularly hard day of work, Brent came home and said, “Work was awful. Everything is ok now, because I get to come home to you.” I slyly slip in “Imagine how rewarding it’s going to be when you come home to your loving wife AND adorable daughter who’s going to give you a big hug and be so happy you’re home.” Ok, so maybe it wasn’t that sly.

“What do you want for Christmas?”
“A Baby”
“Um, that’s out of our price range.”
“No it’s not, it’s free”

The baby battle is officially ON. Brent’s afraid to get pregnant because his job is up in the air, and he’s trying to be financially smart. I say, that you have to have faith before you receive blessings.

My friend Travis says Brent will buckle when I hit the breaking point. My mom thinks it’s my choice, not Brent’s since I have to be pregnant.

Women- any advice? Words of wisdom? Anything I should do while we don’t have children? Men- your thoughts? Best way to convince Brent that having a baby is going to be the best thing that ever happened to him?

The other alternative is to seek out opportunities to be around children that really annoy me. I probably should have jumped on that nursery calling, I could have routinely killed all of these maternal instincts every Sunday.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

I was reading a political blog that I typically don't agree with and found this gem- Props to Edwards for finally acting like a leader and calling Hillary out on her BULL.

Friday, November 2, 2007


I have been tagged and in order to not offend the tagging community I will comply with terms in said Tag post. 'TAGS' are chain letters of the blogosphere, except you don't have to send a pair of underwear to the person who tagged you. Six facts about myself:

1. I can sing Row Row Row Your Boat by myself, in rounds.

2. I have fallen on the treadmill at the gym TWICE this week and scraped the same knee both times.

3. I love puppets.

4. I buy maternity clothing on sale, even though I’m not pregnant.

5. The Great Muppet Caper is in my top 5 favorite movies of all time.

6. All I've had to eat today is left-over halloween candy.

I’m suppose to tag six other people, I think most of you have already been tagged, I'll tag Lori three times (that means she has to post 18 facts about herself), along with Angela Riddle, and Elvis Costello. I leave my last tag as open ended meaning if you're reading this and you haven't been Tagged yet- tag you're it.