Sunday, November 11, 2007

Dr. Laura, Me and Pornography


I had just found out that the guy I was dating was addicted to pornography, and was sitting in my car dumbfounded- How do I make my feelings about forgiveness correlate with my skin crawling at the thought of porn? I couldn’t handle listening to trite lyrics on FM radio, but I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts, so I switched to AM and heard, “If you have a question for Dr. Laura , give her a call at….” I picked up my cell phone.

DL: “You’ve reached Dr. Laura”
Me: “Hi, Dr. Laura. Here’s the situation, I’ve been dating this guy for about a month, he’s very sweet and very kind”
DL: “BUT?”
Me: “He’s exceptionally thoughtful, one of the nicest guys I’ve dated”
DL: “BUT?”
Me: “He’s addicted to porn”
DL; “Dump him”
Me; “Shouldn’t I work with him on this”
DL: “Look sweetheart, you’re not married to him, this isn’t your problem- it’s his. You don’t want to take this issue into a relationship”
Me; “But he’s so nice”
DL: “You’re being SCHMOOSHED. You’re schmoozable. Looking at porn is one of the most self-absorbed, selfish acts on the planet. Dump him, get out of the relationship. RUN!”
Me: “That sounds like the right answer, Thanks Dr.Laura.”
DL: “You’re welcome honey, and stop dating losers”

This conversation was the beginning of a 3 year rampage I had against porn. I'm still anti-porn but in my single years I was given the nickname "The Pornanator" I felt it was my civic duty to educate every lds single woman out there on the evils of dating porn addicts, and the statistics associated with porn. When I worked at BYU Library Security, a big part of our job was to catch guys looking at porn in the BYU library. If any of you were ever in a relief society class with me post 2002, you probably have heard my anti-porn soapbox. I apologize for the redundancy.

After dating 3 porn addicts, I formulated a way to find out if a guy had a porn problem. It is a very specific question- it isn’t “have you looked at porn?” or ‘Do you have a porn problem’ the exact question to ask is “When was the Last time you looked at porn?”

Don't be tempted to soften this question, by asking if he's had a problem with porn- or anything else- the wording is key WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME you looked at porn. Because I do believe (and statistics will back me up on this) that all guys have been adicted to porn.

You can gauge what kind of a guy he is from his reaction to the question. If he is defensive- he’s out. If he is understanding and commends you for asking such a question because he knows how evil porn is- he’s in. If he says he’s never looked at porn- he’s out. If he grows silent and said that was a trial he had to deal with when he was 17- he’s good. One guy welled up with tears, turned bright red and talked about how it popped up last week when he was on the internet and mis-typed an address, he was defenitly in.

The guy in your life isn’t super special, he's a man. Ask him. Don’t ask if he has a problem, ask him when the last time was that he looked at porn- BEFORE you get emotionally attached.


If the prophet has to talk to the men about this every General Conference, wouldn’t it be prudent of us as women, especially single women looking for a mate, to be on the offensive? Too many marriages are destroyed due to pornography- you’ve got to go into the union with open eyes. It takes courage to ask this question, so ask it now, unless of course, you want to talk to Dr. Laura. I'm sure I could find her phone number for you.

39 comments:

adam said...

Hey nice post. I can't say Dr. Laura (or Dr. Phil, for that matter) encourages much autonomy though.

While I do think that most men have looked at porn, I don't know where you get idea that "all guys have been addicted".

Also, there are all types of porn--I would include magazines like Maxim in that category. "Porn" is a label that can cover a lot of things, and your use of the word "addicted" is misplaced, I think.

Perhaps the emotional charge surrounding the issue leads to the hyperbole. I do appreciate your passion against pornography though. : )

Miss Hass said...

I've been lurking for awhile, but I just wanted to say that you have no idea how timely this post is for me. Thanks!

Jolly said...

Good post Kory!

cropstar5 said...

first of all- i'm kind of jealous that you've talked to dr laura. there's a part of me that wants to make up some issue to call her. i absolutely love how frank she is.
second- i'm so relieved that she gave you the advise she did since i've heard her tell a married woman that her husband looking at porn wasn't that big of a deal. so i'm glad she's against it at least some of the time.
third- i too found out a guy i was dating was addicted to porn and now in retrospect the warning signs are pretty obvious. now i'm convinced all guys (especially the unmarried ones over the age of 25 ones, and yes i'm biased) are porn addicts.
finally- i LOVE the way you phrased that question and your assessment of their answers is spot on. Perfect!

chloe elizabeth said...

Amen! Amen! and Amen!

adam said...

Cropstar5-now I'm convinced that all women are convinced that all guys are porn addicts. Your blanket stereotypes based on your personal experiences are dubious, to say the least.

For some positive news: visits to porn sites online have decreased33% over the past two years.

Salt H2O said...

Adam- Funny that you mention Maxim, once when I was on a date the guy told me he had never looked at porn, we came back to his house and there was a Maxim on the counter. I picked it up and said, "So you lied to me?" He defended Maxim saying it wasn't porn- he was out.

Miss Hass- So sorry this is a timely post. I hate for any woman to have to deal with this.

Cropstar- The first time I was TOTALLY blind. I was talking to the guy and he kept talking about an addiction he had,no one knew about it- insisted that it wasn't drugs, but he was addicted and it was evil and dark. He wouldn't tell me what it was. I came home from the date thinking "what the heck was he talking about?" A friend had to point out it was porn. talk about blind!

Adam: Looking at statistics, Utah still leads the nation in the amount of IPs hitting porn sites. Better for women to assume that all men have this problem, than assume that none of them do.

You would not believe the number of guys that would use the BYU Library computers to look at porn. We had sting opperations, secret cameras- the works.

adam said...

I wonder if there is some correlation between religiosity (in this case, LDS) and frequency of porn use. With Utah leading the nation, as you pointed out, it seems likely. I've actually thought about turning an issue like this into my thesis...

Anonymous said...

Adam: I think there is definitely a correlation. Here in Victorian Utah we're brought up to shun the naked body - it's and you're not supposed to look at it. That could lead to sex and you *know* how evil that is. So what do you do when you're told not to do something?

It's obvious the effects of porn on us Utah's, because isn't Utah just one of the worst places in the world?

Incidentally, I work for a company that provides high-speed internet for hotels across the country - hundreds of thousands of rooms each with their own public IP address. Up until about 2 quarters ago, all those IP addresses were registered in Utah. I suspect if you were to check very recent statistics, those evil Utah porn lookers will have dropped dramatically.

Salt H2O said...

Anon- I love it, I post about porn addiction and you take away that it's an anti-utah post. It's not about you (well, considering your defensiveness, maybe it is about you), and it's not about UTAH the post is about PORN.. Geesh get over yourself. I thought I already addressed this topic (See POST TOUCHY TOUCHY )

Though you may be correct about IPS, you are incorrect about the ability to monitor where sites are getting their hits from. It's been around from years, not specific addresses, but general locations (ie cities) through HUBS.

If you're going to post antagonistic comments on my blog- fight like a man and post your name.

Hilary said...

I am so proud to know someone that has actually called Dr. Laura. I am a big fan of hers and always try to "go do the right thing."

This is really a super post on pornography. I think it should be in the BYU newspaper - or the newspapers of college campuses everywhere.

It is also a good reminder for married women - and a very scary thought for Mom's with little boys.

adam said...

Anon-I don't know where in Utah you were brought up, but I never got the message that the "naked body" was "evil", or that looking at porn led to promiscuous sex. On the contrary, it is porn's salacious portrayal of the body and sex that is the problem with religious folk in Utah. I am still interested in the correlation (?) though. I wonder if it is because pornography is widely accepted or at least tolerated in other places, so people don't have as much of a problem with it. Part of what fuels a pornography habit for a BYU student is the secrecy and the taboo of it, I think.

Vanilla Vice said...

My friend's dad is inactive and was the provider of porn for his wife's Bishop/business partner until he got into a business lawsuit with him. In the lawsuit, he demanded his porn back in the legal documents publicly. It was a bit scandalous, but I don't think anyone really cared because it's permeated our society so much, including the church. Married couples often use it as an aid to "spice up their marriage" but then it leads to such problems it can end a marriage. Unfortunately you have work within the bounds of the relationship to determine how it's effecting the intimacy between the partners. Before marriage, I think it's definitely harmful and often leading to delayed marriage - I had a guy I dated who stopped KISSING me. Why? I suspect porn addiction. Too weird. He's still in his mid 30's and single...I even dated a guy who said really werid things when we made out, and I KNOW he was watching porn! Guys - it's really obvious in some cases. You aren't fooling anyone.

Salt H2O said...

Adam- I'd be very interested in reading your thesis- in addition Cropstar and I aren't the only ones that think all men are addicted to porn, listen to Pat Monahan's Her Eyes.

Vanilla- If a couple has to resort to Porn to spice up their marriage, they obviously weren't gifted in the creativity department.

adam said...

Unfortunately it's still a few years from completion. : ( But If I remember when it's done I'll be sure to send you a copy. : ) I nearly did a study last summer about the use of pornography in marital & sex therapy (yes, there are a lot of therapists that use it for treatment), but all the other parts of school (including a different study entirely unrelated) have been so busy it's on the backburner for now. I can send you a little chunk of that paper though--there are some interesting stats to think about.

f*bomb. said...

I don't think looking at porn constitutes addiction- again, it seems use of hyperbole can get us into trouble here. Maxim isn't GOOD for you, but I neither is Cosmo- and I still want a subscription when I get married.

Once I found a Playboy in my friend's stack of magazines. Shocked and stunned, I batted around if I should confront him on it or not. Finally, I decided the pure curiosity was too much for me to resist (which I imagined was much the reason why he had the magazine to begin with). I tenderly approached him with, "I found this- and it's none of my business that you have it- but I was just wondering...Why? I mean...are you just curious? I'm sure that's just normal, but..." He barely even let me finish asking my questions before he looked me directly in the eye and said, "Farrah- NO. That is NOT okay. If any man ever tells you that it is natural or okay to have pornography, you turn away and you RUN from him. My sister's marriage was destroyed by her husband's gradual addiction to porn; I would NEVER advocate any form of pornography and if any man ever tries to tell you otherwise, you get away from him IMMEDIATELY."

I still tried justifying it to him, and he stuck to his guns. In fact, he got so upset that the magazine was in his house he insisted it be thrown out that minute. Turns out his pervert neighbour/best friend in school kept thinking it was funny to bring them over and leave them in his apartment. But his conviction gave me a new level of respect and admiration for him, as well as a higher level of expectations for the men in my life.

Anonymous said...

Salt H2O - I'll just go ahead and use 'anon', I kind of like it.

The bit about Utah wasn't me being touchy about Utah - it was sarcasm. The point was if Utah has so many sex addicts (which apparently includes anyone that looks at nudity, including those filthy National Geographics), then why isn't Utah just the worst place in the world? What are the signs of a city with a lot of porn addicts? Maybe I just miss them.

It's a minor point, but geolocation (the ability to distinguish where the porn addicts are coming from on the Internet) is largely based on where the IP address is registered. If I were in a hotel in Florida on our network, and I went to a page that told me where I was located, it would tell me I was in Atlanta, because that's where our closest Point of Presence is. Previous to the change we made to our IP registrations, it would have said I was in South Jordan, Utah. A hotel user isn't even let out onto the Internet until they've gone through one of our PoP's.

Porn is like anything else - when viewed in excess, it's going to cause some problems. I don't doubt that. And weak-willed people with a propensity for addiction shouldn't look at porn any more than they should smoke a little crack here and there. But listen, I subscribe to Playboy (there really are more than pictures in there), and I view the nude pictures of women that the London newspaper "The Sun" has on page 3 each day. Both have classy photos that are about the beauty of women, and don't degrade them. And I'm not a bad person for looking at it.

My girlfriend is perfectly fine with this too, but then she's also on the opposite end of the frigid Dr. Laura spectrum.

I don't watch porn videos, or look at pictures that are more graphic than playboy's, as I personally don't like those. But who am I to draw the line, to cast aspersions on those who like those kinds of things?

I guess my main point boils down to this: Moderation in all things...

Steve said...

Ok, you won me over with the Vanilla Ice post, but lost me with this one.

Porn isn't the problem with divorce and the other relationship issues in the church. It is a scapegoat. Ok, sure, most men have at one point in their life looked at porn. And kudos to those that haven't, but again, if you are going to include the gray areas of Maxim, where do you draw the line. Is Cosmo? Is Seventeen? Is Spongebob Square Pants b/c he has no shirt on? And women are just as guilty (agreed not usually for XXX stuff, but looking at beefy men or guys with their shirts off in magazine ads, etc.) We aren't Amish, for goodness sakes!

And to say "addicts" is also out of line. What constitutes "addicted"? Once a day, once a week, once a month, once a year? In that case, am I addicted to checking my email, reading blogs, eating chocolate, going to hockey games, spending time with my wife, having a beer, watching R rated movies, etc, etc.?!?!

Don't get me wrong, porn is a slippery slope, but if the church spent half the amount of energy and time on focusing on many of the problems facing young married couples and the issues that abstaining from sex has on a young person, male and female, until marriage, then we'd all be in healthier relationships.

I also hate Dr. Laura. :)

And the computer/thesis guy is right. If you look at IP addresses, the more rural and "religious" an area is, the higher percentage typically that looks at porn. HUBS are different than IP addresses, thus nut a good excuse. :)

Salt H2O said...

Thank you, I very much enjoy reading different opinions. I could write for days about this, but sadly- I have a life.

Anon- The reason why porn addiction is such a pet sin for people of the LDS faith is that it doesn't stink up your clothes- it doesn't cause you to walk around in a drunken stupor- no one knows, but you. The biggest sign I saw living in Sugar House is on a registered sex offender website- my neighborhood had 2 registered sex offenders living on every block.

Go to FamilyWatchDog.us and type in 84105

As for the minor point of telecom lingo- it's a minor point, Hubs, Pops, IPs for someone who once sold telecom I should have gotten my technological terms right the first time. But I think we both agree that for the most part the more rural and more religious parts of the country tend to look at more pornography.

Jeffery Dahmer and Ted Bundy - started with porn. Sexual abusers, start with porn. Porn skews the way people look at sex and especially the way men view women. Pornography does nothing to benefit society in any way shape or form. Someone else did the research for me Obscenity Crimes Another Anti-Porn Website

As to your question: "Who am I to draw the line?" Well, I was a single woman looking for a husband-and when choosing who I was going to marry that was a disqualifier. As a wife- I don't want pornography in my marriage- so I draw the line.

I believe in free agency and the right to decide your own life for yourself, and I draw the line when it affects me and my life

Salt H2O said...

Steve: It's true, I have listened to Dr. Laura, but not for years because now I have all the answers.

Maxim v. Cosmo v.Sponge Bob? I think we're on the same religon page does "whosoever looketh at a woman and lust hath already committed adultry in his heart" ring a bell? Maybe you lust after sponge bob, what ever you're into.

Would you feel comfortable with the savior coming to your house and seeing a Maxim on your cofee table? A Cosmo? If you do- swell, that's between you and the Lord, and quite honestly it's none of my business.

The term addict is no where out of line. Addict is the inability to stop. It has been proven again and again the pornography is one of the most potent addictions on the planet.

This post wasn't about the social ills of pornography, it was to bring to light an issue that my single sisters have to deal with often. You'd be surprised how little LDS women talk about this very real issue.

After responding to you and Anon, I feel like I'm back in my speech and debate days.

adam said...

Steve-I think you have to consider the intent of the producer and the consumer in the defenition. So in a sense, it is subjective.

Arguably, a lot of the content in Maxim is produced with intent to sexually excite men, while, arguably, SpongeBob is not. But I do say that hesitantly. : )

It's all on a spectrum to me. While Maxim or even Playboy are probably on the lower end of the spectrum, I'd still call them pornography, because of their intent. But I realize that statement has values all wrapped up in it. You can't avoid it in a topic like this.

Anonymous said...

"Well, I was a single woman looking for a husband-and when choosing who I was going to marry that was a disqualifier."

Understood, that's very much your right and I can't disagree with that. I think it's a little strange that you were "looking for a husband" as if your car had broken down and you were shopping around for a new one, but hey, that's not unique to you.

This post was my first introduction to your blog, and while I understood you were LDS, I didn't understand to what degree (for some reason the LDS girls I dated were all bishop's daughters and they're... let's just say they're not like some of the other LDS girls). The "for religious reasons" argument I can understand.

Sure, Dahmer, Bundy, et al. might have started with porn - what else would they start with? However there are millions of people - men and women - who look at porn who don't become sexually abusive, so this argument doesn't really hold water.

Personally I think it all stems from the repression of such a religious culture. You say so yourself, Salt H2O, that religious parts of the country tend to look at more porn. If nudity weren't such a taboo here, I think we'd have a lot fewer sex offenders. Look at Amsterdam - they have a very liberal stance on sex (for the record, I think the sex industry there is exploitive, but hey that's the free market, right?) and they have next to no sex crimes. And yes, rape is still a crime there.

cropstar5 said...

adam- forgive the "blanket sterotype". it was said with tongue in cheek and while i now see porn as a serious and very scary problem, i don't ACTUALLY believe that all guys are addicts. so thanks for calling me out on it.
also... i think a thesis on this topic would be really interesting and revealing.

great post salth20 and the comments have been an interesting read as well.

adam said...

cropstar5-No worries--it's often hard to tell online whether people are being sarcastic or "tongue in cheek" etc. That's why I always use smileys. : ) I am glad to know you don't actually believe that. I just felt I had to stand up for (some?) men a little.

Anon-I agree with you that applying cases like Bundy to the argument "doesn't really hold water."

However, I don't think LDS leaders are against pornography because it will turn us all into abusers, per se. It is because of the view on sexual acts/the body being "sacred" and only shared between two married people. For me personally I also believe that what we think about most of the time is what we will become, whether it's World of Warcraft, porn, family, work, whatever.

Porn has all kinds of effects on all kinds of people. For some, it arguably does no harm. For others, it is just annoying to their spouses. But for a lot of women (roughly 40% according to the limited research) it is a source of significant distress in their marriages. That may not be the majority, but it is significant enough for me. I don't think 40% of women are significantly distressed by football or XBox. But I could be wrong. : )

Steve said...

Ha, ok, you haven't "lost" me as I threatened, but I still see this as too complicated an issue that stems from other issues. For instance, banning porn wouldn't solve any problems people have with their relationships, attitudes towards the opposite sex, social problems, etc. Much like how banning abortions won't STOP them, but that's a whole other post, haha. It's certainly, and always will be, a fascinating topic that will never be resolved.

I do think it was ok for you to tell potential BFs "no" if they were into porn (again, your life and I wouldn't date a girl that can't understand the difference between Offsides and Icing in hockey. :)). Curious what your reaction would be if you found a Playboy in your husband's possession, hypothetically.

I agree with "Anon" about the Bishop daughters. So, so true. I bet we even had some of the same ones, ha.

And as for JC coming down and seeing Maxim at my place, I'd be embarassed mainly b/c I outgrew that childish dribble sophomore year in college. I'm sure he'd appreciate my appreciation of God's work, ie the female form, much like the great artists always have. ;-)

Allie said...

Not all porn users are child abusers, rapists, or murderers, but a large (I can't remember the exact number) percentage of child abusers, rapists, and murderers have problems with porn.

Porn addiction means that someone can't stop looking at porn on their own. They may want to stop, but feel unable to do so.

There's a website for LDS porn addicts and their loved ones ldsar.org I think. It's heartrending to read how painful this addiction is for addicts and spouses of addicts.

Salt H2O said...

Anon- I welcome you to my blog. I enjoy different opinions, so thank you for posting. I do wish that you would post your name, I have some anon posters that aren't very bright and I'd hate to assume you were the same person. I am very Mormon, even served a mission, most people that meet me don’t think I’m LDS, so your internet assumptions are fair. As for looking for a husband- you can find details as to that pursuit at
Adventures in Internet Dating

Adam- again you bring up great points. I am for XBOX in moderation- we have unspoken XBOX rules in our house.

Steve- If you'd like to run with the ills of pornography, or pornography v art, and post about it on your blog, I'd be very interested in reading it. I'm not so much an expert on porn, just on dating porn addicts.

Alli- Thank you for bringing a new dimension to the conversation.

Cropstar you rock, if you come to the SLC we must hang.

Anonymous said...

Hello

"Jeffery Dahmer and Ted Bundy - started with porn"

I am sure that most of the LDS guys who are looking at porn started out as LDS... so does that mean being LDS leads to porn, which in turn leads to serial killing?

In Utah LDS culture *any* porn viewing is identified as an "addiction". This oversimplification and subsequent overuse devalues real addiction. It is not an addiction if you watch a porn video, or surf for porn, or have a Penthouse subscription, even if you spend a many hours a week doing it. There needs to be more going on than that.

I posit that the real problem with porn in Utah *is* the taboo associated with it. Here, porn is so overly stigmatized (come on, a Porn Czar?) that the harm caused is not necessarily the porn viewing, but the amount of energy that goes into hiding and keeping it a secret by the viewer. If an LDS guy is forever trying to hide a stash of porn for fear of being ridiculed, shamed, or lose his family, that stress is going to interfere with his life. It is the humiliation found within the LDS community that probably disrupts and causes more harm to a guy's life and his family than the actual exploration of sexual fantasies.

As for Playboy in particular, there has historically been great articles written by great writers in that magazine (even a Beatles interview!). It sounds like a cliche, but it is true. (However, these days you can find the articles sans nudie women online if you really want to read them.)

Questions:
Are porn and erotica one in the same?
Is an illustrated _Kama Sutra_ considered porn, even though the book was written to be a teaching aid?
Is it porn if there in absolutely no genitalia shown?
What if only the face of a single person by his-/herself during la petite mort is shown, ala http://beautifulagony.com/ (absolutely no nudity on the page, but may not be considered safe for work)?

q

adam said...

q-what are your answers to those questions?

I think that the definition is still somewhat subjective, which is part of the reason it's a hot topic (no pun intended). : )

Steve said...

One thing that I thought of last night while at the gym (30 mins staring ahead is good thinking time! ha) is the whole argument you hear about how porn objectifies women and men that watch it, THEN objectify women as sex objects. I think this is totally bogus. Men don't need ANY help or assistance in thinking about sex when seeing a woman. In fact, the entire porn industry, even fashion industry, etc., is a result of men thinking about sexy women and how to see more of them! haha. Could it reinforce the sexual object problem, perhaps and likely so, but to say there is a clear cause and effect is a reversal of reality, IMHO. :)

adam said...

This discussion is moving to my blog, if there are any more comments that anyone has on pornography in general.

If you have any comments about the original topic of women, dating, and porn, feel free to continue.

SaltH20-sorry abou the threadjack. : )

cropstar5 said...

hey you rock too! big time!
we def must hang. i go home to UT often. i'll email you.

Gretchen said...

I have this theory (totally unproven of course) that all 25+ single LDS men are either addicted to porn or gay. You would not BELIEVE how many of each keep "coming out of the closet".

gotb00 said...

i'm a girl. i like porn. quite a bit actually. it's exciting, educational, and above all and a turn on. objectification of women disturbs me, but it disturbs me more in teen movies. not all porn is degrading to women either.

my husband doesn't care for porn that much. that's fine by me. looking at it doesn't change the desire i have for him.

addiction to anything is bad. preferring porn to your partner...sign of problems. but there can be a really fun, healthy place for porn, erotica, etc. in a relationship (or single life--singletons aren't exempt from sexual desire). it's not pure evil. not every guy (or girl) who looks at porn often is an addict.

interest in sex is a healthy part of human sexuality. porn's just one way of expressing that interest, particularly when you don't have a partner. it can be bad--can create unrealistic expectations and desires. but it can also just be sexy.

if i were scoping out someone for a relationship, the question wouldn't be do you watch porn, but what kind of porn do you watch--i.e. are you admiring the female form, watching girls enjoy themselves with guys, or watching them get used like rubber dolls. and even then i wouldn't necessarily gauge anyone as evil based on the latter response, because fantasy and action are so often different things (it's when they're not that it gets disturbing).

anyway, found this via your entry on diamonds. i'm with you there.

Salt H2O said...

gotboo-

I welcome you to the soapbox. While I disagree with you on many levels- I enjoy hearing opposing opinions. More over I'm glad to hear another woman is on the anti-diamond bandwagon. I've found that no amount of logic can change most women's hardwiring to wanting an expensive, useless rock.

Silvs said...

I, too, worked in Library security at BYU. We share many things, apparently. I'm single and over 25, not gay and not addicted to porn, but it doesn't mean that it's not something I have combat constantly.

This is probably one of the most interesting posts I've ever read, and the comments that have followed are so interesting.

One of the best authorities on this subject is Dr. Judith Reisman. Visit her website. She has tons of great research and commentary on the damaging nature of pornography.

Pornography is a symptom of a greater problem that is essentially an inability to control one's thoughts, or actions, and a deep disregard for chastity. Plain and simple.

While viewing porn does not invariably lead to becoming a serial murder, usually those men surely doi= credit pornography as being a main driving force in their eventual behavior - brutally killing innocent people. You ever seen the final interview with Ted Bundy? He credits his murdering entirely to his early childhood exposure and addiction to pornography.

One apparent outcome of the increased relaxation of sexual attitudes is the obvious increase in divorce rates and sexual disfunction. Can a guy ever watch sports or just espn without getting bombarded with advertisements for erectile disfunction? The rise of pornography with playboy, hustler, and penthouse directly correlates with the disintegration of the family as well as the increase of sexual misbehavior.

This is serious stuff and it can ruin your life. Great, great post.

Salt H2O said...

Silvs,
Thank you for your insights. I'll check out Dr. Judith Reisman.

Rubymelt said...

Wow! Thanks for your great blog, posts and comments.

NewEngland79 said...

Not "all men have been addicted to porn" as Salt H2O asserts. However, I do believe given the prolific voluntary and involuntary access to porn, ALL men (and many women too) have seen porn or looked at porn. There's a difference too between "seeing" porn and "looking" at porn. Yes, it can be incredibly addictive and can trigger the same physical responses that certain highly addictive drugs have. In my church responsibilities I've seen first hand how it effects the lives of those who have sought to stop this habit and the effect of it on their families. And, like all addictions, it's nearly impossible to quit on one's own without the help of loving, patient Church counsel AND professional therapy counseling and groups. As for "dumping the boyfriend" with a porn problem, there are too many variables for me to agree to a blanket "dump him" mandate. However, if you're married to someone with a porn addiction, there's no reason to grab the kids and run home to your mother in Sandy, Utah. Working with your ecclesiastical leader (regardless of your religion), you can help your husband and actual become part of the solution and recovery. Hey, the Atonement of Jesus Christ covers everything in this life if we're willing to embrace it. Remember, the other half of the Atonement is forgiveness. In fact, the only two things we can ever become perfect at in this life are repentance and forgiveness. The latter though seems to play a secondary role in the minds of most Latter-day Saints.