Thursday, November 15, 2007
In High School there was a girl in my early morning class that I did not get along with- she was self-absorbed, snotty and slightly over-weight. She was unkind, had weight issues, so every day I gave her my doughnut.
When I worked at the BYU Cougar Eat in the Ice Cream area, I’d get the occasional Abercrombie Zombie come to buy a blizzard- because she annoyed me, she got extra brownies in her blizzard.
I managed a Juice Bar called Nectars next door to what use to be Power House Gym, in Provo Utah. One day the bosses’ girlfriend came in, annoying, demanding and bossy, and said she wanted to eat healthy, and then ordered a chocolate peanut butter smoothie.
I then proceeded to put in a bit of milk, a ton of ice cream, three HEAPING tablespoons of peanut butter- some Hershey’s syrup and topped it off with 2 scoops of Weight Gainer 2000 (2000 calories per scoop) Estimated Caloric Intake: 5,000 Calories and 42 Grams of Fat
She said it was the best smoothie she had ever tasted. After I quit she’d come up to me on campus and tell me that no-one could make a chocolate peanut butter smoothie like I could. No one.
Sure my friends think I’m mad at them if I give them a plate of brownies, and those small instances of calorie sabotage had virtually no effect on these girls- but I felt like I was bringing balance to the universe. I don’t think revenge is the proper word, revenge conjures up images of angry women blowing up their ex-husbands’ sports cars. It’s not so much as revenge as giving Karma a hand.
It’s no surprise that my favorite literary work is The Count of Monte Cristo. The book is about the most brilliant, well thought out and perfectly executed revenge (it’s nothing like the movie).
So now I’m all grown up... kind of. Nine times out of ten I figure Karma will work things out on her own, maintaining a live and let live philosophy. Living a life of vengeance is unfulfilling and stressful. However, every once in a while, the only thing that will bring peace is giving Karma a hand, and bringing equality back to the universe. My universe came back to balance yesterday when the manager at Equity Title called me and said, “I wanted to let you know that we’re recording your title today, DESPITE what you wrote on you blog” and hung up on me.
Yes, the universe is right again, and I didn’t even have to buy her a doughnut.