Thursday, November 8, 2007

When are you going to have a BABY?

“Dude, you’re old, when are you going to have a baby?” My gut response for the past 18 months has been, “I live life on my OWN timeline and no one is going to peer pressure ME in to having a child, just because I’m 30!” I watched mothers in airports struggling with their children, looking like they hadn’t combed their own hair for days, thinking “Man I’m not sure I want to do this” I felt sorry for the 19 year old girls pushing around their two children in malls because they never got back pack Europe. I looked at every blasted Ensign article that talked about women that gave up their career for children as propaganda.

Paula Abdul , 45 recently said she’s entered the next phase of her life and wants to get pregnant- and with modern medicine, why not? You’re only single once- might as well live it up and extend single life for as long as possible and you’re only married and childless once- why not extend that phase as well? (not that I'm advocating Paula as any sort of role model)

There is one other thing about a child- once you get pregnant- THERE IS NO TURNING BACK. There is absolutely nothing more permanent in the world than having a child. You are officially a parent FOREVER. I got married at 29, Brent was 33, we’re not the type of people to jump on commitment quickly.

I woke up one day, and everything changed. My maternal instincts have overtaken all logic and now, I have a deep need to put on 50 lbs, and shoot a crying, pooping, needy object out of my body. Don’t ask me why or how- in the battle between hormones and logic, hormones win every time.

After every Fisher Price commercial on TV I give Brent a look of longing, if there are TWO baby commercials in a row I declare that it must be a sign.

I make googly faces at children where ever we are, in Sam’s Club, in traffic, and in church, last Sunday I got a funny look from the 2nd counselor because he caught me playing peek a boo during the rest hymn.

I get extremely excited when my friends post pictures of their children on their blogs, when my brother sent pictures of his daughter, I welled up with tears.

Typical conversation between Brent and I:
“Have I said it today?”
“No, You haven’t”
“Ok, I’m going to say it now.”
“Do you have to say it every day?”
“If I don’t say it every day it’s going to build up inside and we’ll have to have another talk”
“Fine Say it”
Kory then gets in her whiny tone “I want a baby”
“That’s nice, what do you want for dinner”

Yesterday, after a particularly hard day of work, Brent came home and said, “Work was awful. Everything is ok now, because I get to come home to you.” I slyly slip in “Imagine how rewarding it’s going to be when you come home to your loving wife AND adorable daughter who’s going to give you a big hug and be so happy you’re home.” Ok, so maybe it wasn’t that sly.

“What do you want for Christmas?”
“A Baby”
“Um, that’s out of our price range.”
“No it’s not, it’s free”
“Hardly”

The baby battle is officially ON. Brent’s afraid to get pregnant because his job is up in the air, and he’s trying to be financially smart. I say, that you have to have faith before you receive blessings.

My friend Travis says Brent will buckle when I hit the breaking point. My mom thinks it’s my choice, not Brent’s since I have to be pregnant.

Women- any advice? Words of wisdom? Anything I should do while we don’t have children? Men- your thoughts? Best way to convince Brent that having a baby is going to be the best thing that ever happened to him?

The other alternative is to seek out opportunities to be around children that really annoy me. I probably should have jumped on that nursery calling, I could have routinely killed all of these maternal instincts every Sunday.

35 comments:

bechtold clan said...

so I just left a comment and it didnt save! lame...anyway to sum up..I also traveled, lived abroad, loved my child free days..but there is nothing more amazing than Motherhood ( & fatherhood ) Its crazy, hard, life altering, but truly the most fun and joyful journey I have ever embarked upon....its not all fun and games--but so much better.

Adam & Kristen Birkmeyer said...

Ask Brent how he feels about all your child's friends thinking Brent's the grandpa instead of the dad....by the time jr. is 18, Brent will need a walker to attend the high school graduation! (ok, so that's pushing it...but you get where I'm going here) :)

Aaron, Ari and Baby Dakota said...

I agree with the gals above Welchy. I got married at 27 but did a lot before we got married- did study abroad, the mission, 3 colleges blah blah balh- sure it was cool but doesnt compare the the absolute RADNESS of Dakota!!!! Kids are awesome!! yah they can bne hard but whatever, they are worth it. We are trying to get prego right now because i want to be a young mom not an old mom!! I want 4 kids dang it and dont want to be old when I have them! Plus it gets harder and more difficutlt to be older and pregnant as well as trying to get prego. if you guys need any pushing hate to say it but,the prophet commands us to do it, that if we are waiting too long for our own reasons, or financial, then we are being selfish. I didnt say it!!!! (So dont be mad at me!:) But the Prophet did:) Yo wont regret it nor will he I promise. Aaron ADORES dakota and loves that he crawls up to him whenever he gets home! So get a move on chick!!!:) PS- Did you know Churchy is due in april I think it is??? Amn If I dont get prego soon I will be heart broken!!! Love ya! Dont hate me cuz I said all this!

ChelMo said...

I absolutely understand your predicament! I got married younger than you, but I'd already traveled the world, gotten a masters degree, and had a fun job that impressed people. I was SCARED to change all that - I had some kind of impression that I'd be a failure if I were a mommy instead of a businesswoman. Alas, those darn maternal instincts kicked in (okay, so D's enthusiasm helped a little), and now we have our bella Bella, and I couldn't be happier! Tell Brent that if WE can do it broke in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, then he can do it broke or otherwise in UTAH. This is not a money issue! You can always get adorable clothes at yard sales, and, believe me, you'll get all kinds of fun, useful gifts (perhaps even a fuzzy stuffed monkey!). He really doesn't have a leg to stand on. Trust me, he'll never look back.

Aaron, Ari and Baby Dakota said...

Just thought of a couple more things. everyone who meets dakota either says, they cant wait to have kids or they want another kid after meeting him:) So have your hub meet dakota!!! also-now you can be even smarter welchy! cuz you wont only know about all that other stuff, but motherhood and pregnancy and babies as well!! We dont know where we will be in january either but whatevs- well get prego and have faith- just like you said!!:) (now if only i could have more faith with the whole "Lords Time" thing!:)

crazy4danes said...

K the money thing really works itself out...so don't worry about that. Our income split in half after I stopped working when Bryan was born. Yes...it sucked but we figured it out and learned a lot about each other. So don't use that as an excuse. However...don't feel you NEED or HAVE to have a baby. I know about the maternal instinct thing, and sometimes now I wish I would have just pushed past it and resisted. Some people are meant to be moms and make great moms. Some aren't. It's been five years and I STILL long for my own life back. Going to work and having my own life! Being able to go where I want when I want. Sounds pretty selfish huh? I even had a month of I want ANOTHER baby. Dan knew better...and I'm glad he did. I would be hating life right now. Now some readers are going to be appaled at this comment, however Kory, you know me and know what an independant person I was. Now I have someone dependant on me and I feel I have gotten lost somewhere in the mix. Now for all you out there who now think I hate my child. I don't...I love him soooo much, but I would be lying if I didn't say that many times I have had the thought that if I could go back 6 years...well let's just leave it at that before I have a an angry mormon mob in front of my house tonight! LOL So really no answers from me...and sorry for the long post. Just make sure it's right for BOTH of you, sometimes people use money as an excuse to hide another feeling...like "i'm not ready" so be careful...too many marriages end in divorce (my parents for example) and it's those kids you thought you should have that end up taking the brunt of it. Families are good, but there is a HUGE responsibility that comes along with it...just make sure it's the right time for both of you. Good luck...and feel free to call me anytime if you'd like to talk ;)

Salt H2O said...

Bechtold- Thanks for the re-affirming words, I need more of them from women that have experienced life and love having children.

Cheney- Definitly don't hate you for saying what I know is true. I do think you're right, Dakota needs to come visit Brent to help convince him to procreate.

Chelsea- that means we need to get Bella up here too, or we should spend a bit of Bella time together at Christmas.

Angela- you express the fears that I use to have, but they're pretty much gone now- I'm in a "I WANT BABY" zone. But you're right, no one should have children if they don't want to because of peer pressure. And your boy is an angel.

EC transplant said...

You don't know me, but I have truly enjoyed reading your blog. My husband knew you in high school, found your blog, and immediately recognized many of the conversations you have written about as ones we have had together. Yes, you and I are cut from the same cloth. I had a fabulous job, travelled a ton, LOVED single life, married at 29, and now loving married life. I will never regret waiting for this stage of my life.
The baby bug is hitting me now too (I was fine last week.) Maybe baby fever is a virus you can catch, because it came out of nowhere, kind of like the flu. It could have something to do with the fact that one of my clients told me she is going through menopause AT 40! The thought that I potentially have only 10 good child baring years is a bit alarming.
My husband isn't quite ready (up in the air job too.) I think having a tot will hurry up the permanent job situation. I call it faith, perhaps gentle prodding, he would probably call it pressure.
Here's my two cents about kids. I know if that I were in my husband's shoes and my wife took it upon herself to decide something as lifechanging as having a child without total agreement, I would be pretty chafed. Imagine if Brent went out and bought a brand new sports car without talking to you first. Now multiply the price of that car by twenty million, which is the appoximate cost of raising a child. Its not just the money, but the cortesy of including the other spouse on lifechanging decisions. Thats what we agreed to when we got married.
I figure your friend has the right idea. Keep bugging the crap out of your husband and eventually he will cave. But at least he knows what he's in for, not just deciding by yourself.

Kimberly McEvoy said...

Not to be preachy and I am so very supportive of waiting, getting to know your spouse before kids, being single and loving life. But I really see no need in delaying to delay. It seems selfish. I will say maybe I am biased. We were blessed with our firstborn while on 2 forms of prevention. I wasn't ready, well I guess I didn't know I was ready.

I have a brother in law that is always, we don't make enough, we are in school, blah blah. the real reason he doesn't want kids is he wouldn't be able to golf twice a week. He wouldn't get new clubs every year, he couldn't hit Vegas weekend and Disneyland multiple times a year. He is too selfish to have kids. I think that is very sad.

I do agree you are pregnant and its your body, you vomiting and being torn, yet you are in a partnership and Brent opinion does matter. There should be some sort of trump card for wives dealing with women issues!!

It makes me laugh to read that he wants to be financially responsible and thus now is not a good time for babies. Do not get me wrong way to many people have no idea what that is or even think to be responsible. but really what "to do" list can you check off and then say. "Ok honey now we are ready"

I mostly laugh because in my case we were getting ready for dental school wanted to wait (you know work make a living in school) and boom here comes our angel. No matter when the kid comes you are smart educated people it will work out. And it seems with your house, cars, 2 jobs you guys are pretty responsible.

I don't think there is any catch phrase that will get Brent to agree. Just be real and if he is covering Im scared, with I want to be fiscally responsible then get to the real problem. This is funny Ben and I have never been in this situation. Pretty much God just sends them exactly when he wants us to have them. With or with out health insurance- that was scary dont reccommend that. sorry way too much reply

Good Luck

Salt H2O said...

EC- Who did you marry? Sounds like you and I are strangely similar. I agree with you completely, this is something we have to Both be on board for.

Kim- I totally agree on having faith, my thoughts initally were, I'll go off the birth controll (which is 99.9% effective, it's an IUD) if God wants us to have kids he'll send them to us. However, I have a sister in law that doesn't use ANY birth controll, and thinks "when God wants us to stop having kids, he'll stop sending them!" she's got 9 kids- so THAT argument is out.

You're all right that there is NEVER a good time to have kids. Brent is afraid that something might happen to me, or the baby will be born with some physical disabilities and we'll be unprepared. But as the Great George Michael said, "You gotta have Faith a Faith a Fath, you gotta have Faith a Faith a Faith- Baby!"

Kimberly McEvoy said...

Wow, 9 kids I would have given Ben a vasectomy while he slept. every couple is different, every child is different. Its crazy how different we all are.

I just got an IUD, ohh the relief. I think we would both cry if we got pregnant right now. But for completely opposite reasons!

I am grateful I had my kids in my 20's. Running races after 3 kids I can see how old my body is getting. I would not want my body pregnant at 40. way to old, crampy, and yeah old. Granted its the pregnancy that gave my body most of its age. Yet, Like you said, I want to play, run and live with my kids. Not watch them run around around as I sit around old.

It is so different for guys. Providing, and being responsible, I never realized how stressful it is to them to keep a roof over our heads, clothe us, keep us provided for (granted I worked 3jobs in dental school and you are carry'g your weight) Just let him know, you would rather have a kid then a porsche, or eating at restaurants or what ever. Let him know what you'd give up, to allow him to give in to kids.

How come my friends (minus you) don't comment on my blog?

Salt H2O said...

Great advice- I think he's afraid I can't cut back my spending.

As for friends commenting on blogs- they're probably not as highly A lot of people look at blogs as something to read instead of a conversation.

I like to think of blogs as a very large conversations, between a number of people. The more that get involved the better.

Allie said...

I had my first baby when I was 22. Physically, it was the easiest pregnancy, emotionally it was the hardest.

I have to say, that number three (who's 7 months old now) has been a delight. I have been able to enjoy him so much more than the other two. I think it's partly because I know what I'm doing now, and not worried about him meeting whatever milestone that is supposed to come next, and partly because I'm "older and wiser" and a lot more relaxed about life.

Good luck to you and your husband!

Babies, babies babies!

ec transplant said...

I married Ryan Thomas. He clarified last night that you two were in the same stake, not school. Close enough, I suppose. We too met online at LDSMingles. After we got married, I was forced to leave my beloved state of CA and move to Boston, where Ryan has a dental practice. It was quite a culture shock to move from west coast to east coast. I'm from San Francisco, so it takes a lot to shock me. People in New England talk super funny, and they make fun of ME when I let a "dude" or "sweet" slip into my conversations. Anyway, all is well and I am thoroughly enjoying this new stage in life. Life is good.
Thanks for your letting me nose in on your blog. I know it must be weird to get random oppinions from total strangers. I suppose that is one of the great things about the internet. Anyway, its always fun to read your new posts. Thanks for the entertainment!

f*bomb. said...

Two things from someone childless and husbandless:
1) There is a limited time where your body is able to be with child. Use the time wisely, and be prepared to sacrifice. Also- priorities are a big thing, too. The way you talk about children is how we USED to talk about marriage. Marriage doesn't mean the end of going out or traveling or of ice-cream for dinner- and whatever things are most important to you, you aren't going to forsake them because you have kids. In fact, you'll raise children who understand the importance of one-on-one time, travelling, and yes- ice cream for dinner.
2) I keep offering to get pregnant at every HB party I go to- STILL, no takers! I don't get it, either, Kory. What are these guys so scared of?

Salt H2O said...

FB- come to Utah and you'll find a line full of takers. HB isn't exactly the Hub for men that enjoy responsibilty

EC- I haven't heard from Ryan in YEARS! Tell him I say Hi. Good luck with that transplant to the East Coast- it's hard going through CA withdrawls.Do you have a blog? There isn't anything linked with your name.

brittbell said...

Kors - well it seems this post has struck a cord with many (including me!). Definitely have to say that Brent has totally got to be in on this. You will NEED him more than ever. You will need his support, affirmation, help, and love. I LOVE LOVE LOVE (ok, one more time) LOVE being a mother. I never imagined it would be so rewarding. I also never imagined it would be so difficult (ok I went grocery shopping today with 2 kids in tow, one of which is a curious little 2 year old, so the level of difficulty I am referring to today is...EXTREME! Just imagine a little boy running down the cereal aisle knocking the boxes on the floor, spitting out the sample of chicken on the floor, throwing a tantrum in the middle of the soup aisle...need I say more?). Of all the opportunities I have had in my life, this the BIG ONE. It has tested my patience, love, physical abilities, emotional stability, optimism (on 2 hours of sleep a night!), and patience (did I already say that...it deserves saying twice!). But I also never thought I could grow so much, be so humbled, and have so much love to share. Who knew Halloween could be so fun (with my 2 year old chasing the "Little Mermaid" around the neighborhood...caring less about Trick or Treating...okay, he obviously didn't inherit that part from me!). It has also brought Scott and I so much closer. I have to lean on him a lot.
Brent will come around. And when he does, you will feel so much love for him as you watch him holding and loving on your baby. Hope that is not too sappy for you!!!
But until then:
1)go see lots of movies, 2)go to lots of fun restaurants, 3)enjoy coming and going as you please, 4) enjoy shopping (really, really enjoy this one!) and 5)enjoy sleeping in (don't think I've done that since Seth was born!).

Mikie said...

Thoughts:

1) Re: "your body, your decision"... I seem to recall some counsel given sometimes at a temple sealing talking about it being a team of you, your husband, and the Lord... maybe you can outvote him 2 to 1? Hehe... but seriously, I'm sure you'll come to a mutual decision.

2) Keep working the faith angle you mentioned. Do some searching in the BoM for verses about how those who are righteous / keep the commandments are prospered by the Lord. (and that the multiply and replenish the earth is a commandment). If that doesn't work... well I got nothin.

Aaron, Ari and Baby Dakota said...

What the heezy welchy!! Britt was right- this topic struck a cord and man do you have a ton of friends! Who knew??:) Anyways- so I was thinking of ordering my mom a chocolate bar from that lake champlain chocolate brand you mentioned. I know that you learned of it from a book, but did you order a smaple or something? How did you actually taste it?

Salt H2O said...

Britt-
I slept in till 9 this morning, and loved it- thanks for the advice. You need a blog to post all of your funny stories about your cute kids.

Mikie
"My body, My choice" is the mantra of a feminist movement I have little empathy for- so by putting it in those terms, yeah it's way off base.

Ari: To try the chocolates I just shelled out the bucks (I think it was like $20 for 5 bars) and ordered them. Sadly, no free samples.

Bo and Cindy said...

Hey Welchy. (It's Church) I found the link to your blog on Cheney's and just had to add my two cents. Bo was very hesitant to get pregnant. I was ready at least a year before he was. It was for the same reasons as Brent. Mainly financial. It's a scary thing. I wouldn't want to be the one that had to support the whole family either. I threw out some pretty heavy hints when I decided I was ready. I even bought a stroller last year in August that was on clearance at Target. It still took him until the next July to decide he was ready. Thankfully it didn't take us long once he made up his mind. I'm due in April! I just felt the baby move for the first time this week. It's incredible. I'm so excited to be a Mom. We find out a week from Monday what we are having. Brent will come around. Hopefully he won't take as long as Bo though. It's so hard to be patient. But it's huge that you have decided you are ready. I didn't think I'd ever want to go through all the pain and self sacrifice to have a baby, but when those Motherly instincts kick in, they kick hard.

Jolly said...

Well, I'm joining the conversation late. There probably isn't much more to say that hasn't already been said--I skimmed all the comments.

Its also hard to talk about these things in a short blurb--sometimes its just easier to say something sarcastic and funny, instead of sounding pithy. But, I still want to add my 2 cents (I can't help myself).


I thought of 2 main things:
1) even if Brent were to say today, "Kory, I'm ready. Let's have a baby," you could start trying and not get pregnant--and a year or two from now weighing other options. Infertility treatment is very difficult emotionally and physically. Adoption is a big decision to make, and not easy. I know that sounds gloomy, but I think its important to mentally prepare yourself (as best you can) for that senario.

Given that being a possibility, on a more practical level, something you CAN do now is to stop the IUD (or other chemical/hormonal birth control) and use condoms. Sorry to be so blunt, but you need to give your body time to get back into its own rythms.

When we were looking into the future and figuring that in the next 12 to 24 months we'd probably feel ready to get pregnant (even though at that moment we weren't ready), I stopped taking the pill just so that when we did finally feel ready, we weren't behind in the game in that way. Talk about it together, but reassure Brent that it doesn't mean you are going to get pregnant now, it just means you are changing your form of birth control now so that when the two of you are BOTH ready, your body will be more likely ready too.

NUMBER 2)
As far as the dilema of your biological clock ticking, and Brent's hesitation dragging things out, that is a loaded question.

A person can't win with that question--one way you (not you specifically Kory, but the collective "you") are setting yourself up to always wonder how it would have been if you had kids earlier, and the other way you're setting yourself up to have a relationship of resentment with your spouse, or even worse, having a pregnancy that only one of you wants--and eventually that pregnancy turns into a baby. Of course Brent would love his child, but he may also really struggle with feelings of resentment, or feelings of disrespect in your marriage, or feeling manipulated.

Even if the argument that its your body, and the child-rearing duties will fall on you, therefore it should be mostly your decision--even if that is true--wouldn't you rather wait to have your husband on board?

I wonder what Dr. Laura would say--seriously, you should email your blog entry to her.

Having children is so life-changing, and I'm not going to try to attempt to explain the significance and meaning and depth that it adds to your life and the importance of it...I don't have the energy to do that right now. ;-)

But I can say this: in my own personal life, for as much as I love my children (and it is more strong and instinctive than any love I've ever experienced), I love my husband by choice, and he is the one I've chosen to spend my entire life and more with. That relationship, the marriage relationship, is the most important and the foundation for all my other relationships, especially the relationships I have--and WE, husband and wife have--with our children.

Having said all that, I think you are in a tough situation right now. But we can't have it all. Sometimes I really do wish that I could've married and had children in my early twenties--I have thought a lot about this and how wonderful it would be. However, I would not go back and trade the life I lived for that senario--I just wish I could have both! But I can't. And no one can.

And in typical blogger fashion, I will end with a pithy, forgettable comment, because I can't help myself: when you realize that what you want is what you already have, then you will be happy. It sounds like you wouldn't change much about your life so far, so now you have this dilema--and that is okay. Someday you WILL have children. Maybe next year, or not for a few more years. (You already know about "waiting"--you didn't get married at 20 like several BYU co-eds.) ;-)

I love you, good luck. You will be an EXCELLENT mother, and so much more ready and prepared in maturity than most moms. That's how I felt when I got pregnant, and I so appreciated the joy and calm and the stage I was in in my life, maturity wise, when we had our first baby. It will happen for you guys, and it will be wonderful.

Wow--what a good blog entry. I was only going to write 2 paragraphs. Ha. Blah blah blah...

-Em

Salt H2O said...

CHURCH!- So So good to hear from you. it's been like 5 years! I love blog. Sounds like you've been fighting the baby battle longer than I have, I hope I get pregnant as quickly. Send me you're email address.

Em- I KNEW you'd have a lot to say on this topic. Funny, I've talked to Dr.Laura once- I'll have to blog about that later. And in pithy blogger fashion- I DO love my life, and I'm happy.

I've come to grips that Botox was specifically invented for me, I may be the old mommy, but I won't have to look like her.

No Whining said...

Your great grandmother Steimle would wonder what all the fuss is about. Every day she made 9 loaves of bread and many biscuits for her 6 boys and 3 girls. She canned her own fruit from her own trees and garden. She made wonderful pies and cookies. She also invested in land and apartments...over saw the construction (she was the contractor) of 2 of the homes she lived in.

It has been said many times that no one in their last years of life wishes that they could go to work one more day. They often refer to wishing to spend more time with their family. Careers are not important - I had one. Financial security is nice, but children are better. Travel is great (I have done it quite a bit), but over rated...I would rather be with my children.

This is remedial stuff all layed out in "The Plan".

Hilary said...

So I been to this blog post several times with the purpose of leaving a comment - yet wanted to think of something philosophical and helpful. As you may have noticed, I haven't come up with anything great.

Here is an idea - lame as it may be: Discuss with Brent about how long it possibly takes to get pregnant (site as many situations you know in which it took several months). Talk him into just doing things leisurely for a while - go off birth control but not keeping exact track on the calendar of when you are ovulating and knowing the exact hours in which you need to shall we say "be together." This will give you both that sense of, "I don't think she is pregnant...but there may be that possibility..." It is my experience that the hint of possibility can't help but make anyone a little excited (there is nothing like waiting for the results of a pregnancy test). After a few months of this, maybe Brent will want to prove that he can actually do it (I think this is Male nature)- and before long - he will be keeping track of your ovulation on the calendar. Sounds like a good scenario.

As far as the money situation goes - it always works out. You are talking to someone that is expecting baby #3 - two of which were born while Dan was still in college. Sure we have not always had the nicest things, but we own our own home, have two nice cars, plenty of food on the table and our kids are not barefoot. What else do you need?

Having kids is what life is all about. I can't wait to hear news.

Salt H2O said...

Hilary, GREAT advice. It's not like you decide to get pregnant and bam! you have a baby- it still takes 9 months. Assuming it doesn't take my 30 year old body 6-12 months to get pregnant.

Anonymous said...

What the season of "Tell Me You Love Me"

Jolly said...

I have no idea half the time what Anon is talking about-- is that supposed to be a question or statement, and...wha???

Steve said...

Ha, sounds like a conversation K and I have a few times a week, haha.

Salt H2O said...

jolly,

Yeah, I'm with you. I like giving people the ability to post their opinions with out having to have a blogspot account- however, in light of some recent anon posts I've deleted I decided if someone doesn't want to be linked to what they're posting on a blog- what they have to post probably isn't of much worth.

Daisy Paige said...

I'm the atypical Mormon in my family - married at 28 and waited two years to get pregnant (unlike my younger, baby-popping sisters). I started considering pregnancy when I looked at our ages and realized that if I want two kids before I'm 35 and hubby is 40, we had better get started.

Of course it didn't make sense: no home, hubby never finished school, we prefer traveling light, etc., and the idea of being responsible for another life for the rest of our time on Earth was incredibly intimidating.

But we did a special fast and prayer about it and it felt like it was a correct decision. We decided to proceed without actually "trying," and if it was really what God wanted, He'd hook us up. We got pregnant within the first week.

So my advice is for both you and Brent to seriously fast and pray about it, and no matter what the answer is, go with it. We still feel overwhelmed with the idea of being parents, but knowing it's what is right for our family gives us that extra boost of confidence we need.

Salt H2O said...

Daisy- Nice to meet another atypical mormon family. I think your right, fasting, praying and a few trips to the temple could help things out a bit.

I was around my niece this week due to the holiday- she's one and sick. Though she's ADORABLE, I decided I'm going to appreciate every day Brent and I have together with out kids, and the ability to sleep in and plan our days as we please.

Like you, I'm pushing 31 so the clock is ticking!

Daisy Paige said...

I take my comment back...

After spending three days with 12 grandchildren and the noise, filth, and general chaos that accompanies them, I can promise you "knowing it's what is right for our family gives us that extra boost of confidence we need" just doesn't cut it anymore. I cried myself to sleep Friday night.

Salt H2O said...

Daisy, Luckily they come one at a time. But I'm with you, after spending a week with a sick 13 month old- I'm thinking that waiting isn't such a bad thing!

Sam said...

My wife and I had been married a little over a year when we decided to have a child. It was a tough choice because I was still an undergrad and we were deciding about Graduate school. Financially it made no sense at all to have kids. And you have to know that I am the biggest tight wad...I get stressed out over every cent we spend. Ultimately, it was about knowing we were ready and knowing the Lord would take care of us even when times were hard. Grace in now 14 months and we would not have it any other way. We love being parents and the Lord has always helped us even when times were tough financially.
By the way, I am sure people have said this but it is not just your choice, your husband has to want to also. Just my thoughts.