Friday, May 30, 2008

Susan Sarandon Threatens to Leave the Country

Susan Sarandon threatensto move to Canada or Italy if Barack Obama doesn't get elected.

I've got 3 words for Ms.Sarandon: Like we care.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Abercombie caters to Never-Nudes

Passing by the abercrombie window I saw many, many pairs of shorts that should only be worn by one man.

This guy-

Though I'm glad they've started catering to'never-nudes', I still think that Abercrombie is run by a bunch of egotistical pedophiles.

If you don't understand - you really should add Arrested Development to your netflix que.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Man's Best Friend

I never considered myself a "dog person". Sure I liked the animals but dog people dress up their animals for Halloween, talk about their animals like they're a member of the family, don't mind dog hair in their car and on their clothes, are concerned when they leave the animal for too long, think their dogs get angry at them, and share a bond with their pets that I could never understand. I thought all dogs belonged outside. That was until I met these guys-

I married into dogs. Brent had these dogs for 7 years before he met me, and these guys were inside pets. In first few months I was ready to send them off to puppy boarding school. They didn't like me either. They constantly tipped over the trash, were needy and whiny, dog hair was absolutely everywhere- and one even pooped specifically on my side of the bed to send a message.

It changed when Brent went out of town for the night and I felt protected by these two. I realized that not only were they great watch dogs, they were the funniest dogs ever. Once they ate an entire cube of butter, leaving the wrapper perfectly on the counter- spread out like a blank piece of paper- they naturally got into some trouble when it was discovered. The next time they found butter on the counter- they ate the whole thing, including the incriminating wrapper.

Animals have personality, and these two were two characters. They were obedient, loving and fun. With time I evolved into a dog person.

During his bachelor years these dogs were Brent's support group, they were his family. During our first years of marriage they have filled the void that children fill. They went to bed when we'd say 'go to bed'. We thought about them the first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. They responded and reacted to us in a way I think most animals can if given the proper training. It's true, I even tried to dress the poor animals up for Halloween.

Yesterday was a great day for the dogs. They got to spend a lot time outside, played with the neighbor kids, went for a ride, and Brent and for some reason sat down and spent some time just with the dogs. Bartholomew would not leave Brent's side-playful and happy. He even got KFC gravy for desert.

Then the unfortunate happened, happy dog transformed to unrespondent. He went from running and jumping to unwanting to move. His pupils dilated, started taking short shallow breaths and the unthinkable, he didn't want to eat.

When you own a dog that thinks he's part goat, eating anything he can find, you get use to him being sick, but last night it was different. Brent's eyes filled with tears as he scooped up Bartholomew, put him in the car and drove him to the 24 hour animal hospital- but when we arrived it was too late. He had passed on the 215 freeway, in my husband's arms.

I think few women will understand the relationship between a man and his dog. It transformed this big tough guy into an 8 year old boy. The problem with most things you love is that they will at some point leave. This dog had nine lives. He should have been dead years ago- as a puppy he was rescued from a drug house with cigarette burns all over his body- when Brent purchased him the vet told him he wouldn't live. Since then he's eaten an obscene amount of chocolate (opened up a suitcase to get to it) plastic bags, and even a square foot of carpet that nearly did him in.

I'm grateful that we had Bartholomew. He changed how I, and my family look at animals. He wasn't the family dog, he was family.

Many might thing that writing a tribute to a dog is silly, but this is no tribute to a dog- it's a tribute to a friend. Bartholomew Cletus Booher, who's in puppy heaven where there's no shadows to scare him, and eating all the chocolate he wants.

Barthomew Cletus Booher- June 1999-May 2008

Monday, May 19, 2008

I can stay at a Hilton again..

The other day I was listening to NPR and I heard an interview with Paris Hilton. Yes, Paris Hilton was on NPR. They asked her about not receiving any of her grandfather's hotel fortune because he was donating it to charity. Her response was a tearful, "can we move on to the next question?" Poor girl.

Looks like Barron Hilton is more intelligent than I gave him credit for. Apparently this is old news, it made me smile, and happy to know I can end my Hilton ban.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Forget Bush- Blame Canada!

Americans give George W. Bush too much credit.

You hear people whine about the economy and they blame Bush, they whine about the war, they blame Bush, they whine about gas and again it's George Bush's fault. Are Americans so simple minded that they truly believe one man holds so much power?

The Housing Crisis-
I know George W made you buy a house you couldn't afford. He told you that you deserved a lavish lifestyle despite making a mediocre wage. He came to you with an interest only loans, shady lending practices, told you not to think about your future, forget the fine print and sign on the dotted line. This housing crisis has everything to do with good old fashioned American greed and nothing to do with George W.

The Alleged Economic Crisis-
By abolishing savings accounts and forcing Americans to use credit cards George and the government should be held accountable for your personal debt. Bush tells women that spending $30 every other week on their nails is a necessity and a flat screen tv with an x-box is a basic human right. Strangely Americans are responsible for their own economic stability- not the president.

George W. Bush does not control how you spend your money.

The War in Iraq-
George single handedly went to Iraq lived under cover, gathered the necessary intelligence and then used hypnosis on congress so they would vote for the war which has made his life so simple. Because Hillary Clinton and George W. Bush have a great relationship built on trust she implicitly believed everything he said about Iraq and was mislead by this republican who's every word she believes with out evidence.
There is more than one man who put America into Iraq- I agree this war is a colossal waste of money- but to give Bush all of the credit? You're too generous.

The Price of Gas-
George W. Bush does not sit on Congressional committees or subcommittees. He does not allocate funds. He does not determine where our fuel R&D dollars go. He does not decide who gets subsidies. But still- I'm sure diesel costing $4.50 a gallon is all his fault.

People need an scapegoat - it's easier than thinking. Blame everything on Bush rather than taking responsibility for your own actions and taking the time to research the web of politicians that are making poor economic decisions. One man is not so powerful.

Forget blaming George W. Bush for all of our issues- it makes much more sense to blame Canada.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Watching a Train Wreck

It's hard to watch a friend make poor decisions and take themselves down a self-destructive road. You watch the train wreck thinking "If you had only LISTENED to me! You FOOL! You could have been so much more!" Which happens to be the exact words I yelled at my computer screen last night while trying to re-schedule a flight on JetBlue.

Oh JetBlue, how you have fallen! When the genius David Neelman was your CEO you were the end all be all of airlines in my eyes. Now, with out the man genius at your head, the company has made a series of fatal business decisions which has made your stock tank and has turned loyal fans into hardened critics. Jetblue has evolved from the low cost airline focused on customer experience, to an airline that feels entitled to nickel and dime it's customers because it has direct tv and leather seats. Jetblue has turned me from a dedicated customer into a trueblue hater. The main source of my current discontent- $100 change fee. You book your flight yesterday for $109. Today you realize that you booked the wrong time and try change your flight to the earlier one which costs $99- and Jetblue charges you $100 to make the change. You would actually save a dollar by purchasing a second ticket.

The problem with loving a friend or a company is that when it betrays you- you aren't just ticked off you become angry. I don't just dislike JetBlue, I now hate JetBlue- from supporting the DailyKos conference to charging extra for the exit row seats. This company I once loved is now on my "companies that suck list" right behind Delta. It's hard to see a company with so much potential slowly self-destruct.

However let me continue to pimp Southwest- yes their boarding procedures are annoying, and their flight attendants think themselves cleaver lounge singers, but here are the reasons Southwest Airlines is going to be the last airline standing.

1- No change fees. If you're running late for your flight and want to post pone it, you can call in change your flight and only pay the difference in the cost of the plane ticket if there is any difference.

2- Ticket Prices don't change the closer you get to take-off. Their ticket prices are solid, they don't change depending on a date so if you need to book a last minute flight you can at the same price you would have paid 2 weeks ago.

3- You can fly stand-by at no additional charge. You get to the airport early, see there is an earlier flight and can get on that plane for no additional fee. If they have an empty seat they'll put you in it.

4- Best Frequent Flier Program around- 8 round trips and you get a free ticket. How easy is that? No miles to calculate and keep track of. You fly to Reno and back 8 times you get a ticket to anywhere in the US. It's pretty awesome.