Monday, July 7, 2008

Oops..Too Late

Apparentlyhaving kids increases your chances of being miserable.

Good thing I didn't read this story 8 months ago, or I might have rethunk this whole pregnancy thing.

Parents- what do you think?

13 comments:

adam said...

According to John Gottman's research, if your marital satisfaction decreases after the baby arrives you can blame it on your husband. :)

Really though, he found that 2/3 of wives experience a drop in marital satisfaction after the birth of the first child, while 1/3 stayed the same or even improved. The difference was the extent to which the husbands got on board with the new life along with the mother.

Cherie said...

Hi, I'm Britt's friend from GA and was just checking out your blog from her site and I couldn't help but respond to this one.

It's worth every Miserable Minute of it!! My son is 14 and my daughter 16 so I'm on the downhill now.

Congrats on your Pregnancy!
Cherie

Della Hill said...

Truthfully-
No matter who you are or how great your marriage is, parenting is HARD.
Your baby will cry endlessly. Your husband will throw things in frustration, and you will probably find yourself crying right along with the baby.
And we're not even talking teenage years yet.
But as a seasoned parent, (2 of my own and lots of fosters), take my word that you will find those moments, those hugs, grins, and "I love you"s that will make it worth it.
In a way, parenting is like an addiction, because you will tolerate years of irritation, frustration, and heartache to get those isolated moments of elation.
It's okay if you don't like your baby. A lot of parents don't. (They just don't admit it).
You'll love him soon enough.
And even though parenting is hard, it's also awesome.
Congrats again.
And don't forget your vitamins.
-Della

Paula said...

There was a similar article on msn.com and newsweek that I read last week about this very topic.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/143792

Speaking as a newbie to parenting, I believe parenting is what you make of it and where you place your priorities. I do believe the family is under attack and this article is a perfect example of our society's shift in values. If we follow the counsel we have been given as members of the church I believe children and family truly can lead to happiness. As for me, I am putting my stock into the counsel Church leaders have given and not some asinine study.

Ben & Kimberly McEvoy said...

The last paragraph talks about depression coming from the network or lack of one. I think the church, the relief society should be that network. When my 3rd was born, my kids were watched by ward members for pretty much 2 days, and i was brought 4 great meals. that is far better then i got from my family. all of whom live many states away.
on top of the R. S. you have a great family, that even if your mom can't or doesn't come help out. she is always good to talk to.

I think the key is also being a good parent. if you have whiny terrible kids, yeah being a parent doesn't pay off that much.

my last point is that yes parents probably suffer more depression and i'll take it. Because like adam and eve partook of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. I think the more depression you can have (not necessarily go through) there is also that flip side. I think of how happy my father was when i got married. I was the last kid and the rowdiest. what joy he had sitting through the sealing knowing he had successfully 'parented' all of his kids to the temple for marriages. I hope that joy surpasses the depression from when i brought bring home my report cards.

as a parent I know a deeper joy and love then i did being single or even happily married.

that's my take
Kim

crazy4danes said...

I agree with Dela Hill...partenting is really haard. But I also think it depends on what kind of a person you are and what you are expecting. I had and still have a hard time being a mom...it's a daily struggle for me. Yet I see mothers who just breeze right through the day with 3, 4 or more kids! There are even blogs I read, and I'm like wow....what's my problem?! I love B, but he has changed my life and not all of that change has been good, but it is rewarding to watch them grown and become their own person. It's hard to give advice to someone or explain what it will be like because it's so different for everyone. Your hubby is going to be the most important support net you will have, so hopefully that is strong and ready to be used...

Good luck and don't read too much...you'll start freaking yourself out! :D

Steve said...

Everyone we've talked to that has had at least one says it is very hard and they don't even like it most days, especially early on when the baby is just a needy, crying, thing that doesn't do anything other than make your nipples sore, give you a headache, and crap its pants.
BUT, they all have also said once you get past those first few months and the baby starts to react, respond, and eventually appreciate to some extent and become a real person when they are a toddler, those days can be lots of fun.
I think I understand why women were so pi$$ed off for the past few thousand years when they had to do all this work themselves and husbands weren't around to help out or even cared to help out since it was "women's work". Even between the two of us, we are freaking out about how to have a life still and not become a slave to the baby.

Della Hill said...

Salty-
You know studies can be made to say almost anything.
Copy and paste this link: http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=8723511&ch=4226723&src=news
for a study that says babies give you a natural high. (Kind of like that addiction theory I was talking about).
Good luck.
-Della

Sarah said...

I think the purpose of parenting has very little to do with what you get from it and a lot more to do with what you become as a result of it.

If you're fortunate, you'll raise little dependent babies into moral, productive and maybe even fun-to-be-around adults. If you're unfortunate you may end up with delinquents on your hands.

Regardless, if you tackle parenting as your most significant responsibility in this life, then hopefully any disappointments or disillusionment along the way can be put in perspective as part of the broader picture -- that we are learning about how to fulfill part of our divine role, even thought there may be setbacks along the way.

On the other hand, for some people that perspective may not come easily, or all the time, or until a long way down the road, and in the interim they could suffer depression or unhappiness. Heck, you could say the same thing about people who suffer the loss of a loved one, monetary struggles, or all the other trials attendant to mortal life. And those who try to pursue parenting as a very part-time or ancillary activity, or even as a hobby, will more likely than not end up somewhat dissatisfied with it, just as they would likely be disillusioned with a part-time religion.


I guess what I'm saying is that the rewards of parenting in this life, though significant for most of us, probably pale in comparison to what it means to our eternal progress.

Rob said...

Until I had kids I thought the best years of my life where behind me.

Being a dad is the greatest life I have ever known.

Robin said...

This shallow little article has some truth to it. But it only focuses on one area - depression (which, btw, isn't accurate, it should be about frustraition). It leaves out almost every thing else. There is no mention of the joy, satisfaction, love, fullness, companionship, friendship, pride, selflessness, and sheer physical beauty of your child. It is impossible to truely describe.

To use an old saying, Parenting is the hardest job you'll ever love. I can complain loud and long about my kids, but if you say even the slightest critical thing about them...you will have to deal with me and it will get ugly fast. My kids are the best and most wonderful thing that could have happened to me.

I suspect you don't really buy into this article Kory. I think you just wanted to hear something reassuring, or you wanted to stir up the parents a little. (You like to stir, right?)

Allie said...

Just hurry and skip to baby #3. My last one is over a year old now, and he's great. I've enjoyed him so much more than I did the first two. Not that I didn't love them, I just worried a lot more. I'm loving every minute with this little guy.

Maybe that will be one of the blessings of being a 30 something first time mom instead of 20 something, you're probably already more relaxed about life....

Linda said...

the payoff is great.