Friday, November 21, 2008

Pregnancy Q & A

Yes, this was an email forward- but it's timely, so it's geting a post.

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Fabulous Item of the Week- QVC???

I typically think QVC shoppers sit in their Christmas Sweaters, with a month old Mrs. Field's cookie in one hand and an almost maxed out credit card in the other. Today I join those ranks. I was going to purchase Mrs. Prindables Chocolate Covered Apples for co-workers for Christmas, but a quick google search led me to QVC, selling the exact same product for 1/2 the price. It appears QVC does sell something other than a singing Elvis head or mineral make up! Now I'm hooked.

I do need to give a big shout out to another fabulous item of the week - the Boppy body pillow. I've reached the stage of pregnancy which is 24-7 total discomfort accompanied with the inability to get any sleep so in a desperate attempt to preserve his own sleep (and make his wife happy)the husband purchased this pillow- its changed my life, now I only wake up 3 times a night instead of 9.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

BYU Can't Lose

It's time for the annual Wasatch bloodbath this Saturday and I'm proudly informing every Ute that though the U may win the game this Saturday- BYU still didn't lose.

You see Ute fans, you naively cheered as BYU lost to TCU- TCU got the glory of beating the Y and since then Y fans have come to grips that a BCS game is not in their future (though my dad likes to disagree with me on this, he thinks with the right combination of loses BYU could still have a shot- but it all hinges on Boise choking- which isn't going to happen)

Y fans walk into this game Saturday with nothing to lose, no BCS game, they don't even want to go to the Sega Bowl, but even more so, if they lose on Saturday the BYU football program gets 1.3 million dollars. If they win they get well- pride.

If the U wins, the U then goes to a BCS bowl- which will then give the Mountain West Conference in the neighborhood of 20 million dollars to be shared among MWC schools-with the U getting 2 parts. Do the math and that means, if BYU loses on Saturday they get around 1.3 million dollars.

If the U loses on Saturday- they get nothing, aside from their dreams crushed by their arch rival in their own stadium, but no cash to console them or their football program.

Again, in the simplest of terms BYU loses- they get 1.3 million, the U loses they get squat, nothing, zip.

Now if BYU had beat TCU, both teams would be in the win/win situation, either the U would be going to a BCS bowl and garnishing 2.6 for their program or walking away with the 1.3 mil consolation prize. But silly Ute fans, you cheered when that opportunity was taken away from you and now BYU goes into this game with the upper hand- the only incentive to win is to see those arrogant U fans dressed in black leaving the stadium with their heads hung low and tears in their eyes - take away the pride factor and it's really in BYU's best interest not to win.

What's good for the MWC is good for BYU- and though we may not be the team to go to the BCS bowl this year, it's better the U than Boise. We need the MWC to gain the national recognition its teams deserve, and it won't get that if we continue to beat out PAC 10 teams but then eliminate each other for BCS bowl candidacy.

So should the U of U beat us this Saturday, Y fans, hold your head high, and make sure you thank every Ute you meet for the cool million.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Top 10 things NOT to say to a Woman who is 7 Months Pregnant

(These are all true stories)

1. You look like you're going to explode any day now.

2. You sure you're not having twins?

3. (From the guy checking my ID at the airport) Wow, this is a great picture of you! It must have been taken a really long time ago.

4. A friend of mine lost her baby in the 7th month of pregnancy- it crushed her.

5. You're pregnant? I thought you were just getting pudgy!

6. Oh my, I was NEVER that big with any of my pregnancies.

7. The baby's due in December? You're never going to make it that long.

8. What are you having? Oh no, let me guess- your having a girl. Girls always make you gain a lot of weight in the hips and thighs.

9. Wide load coming through.

10. You ATE Kory!

Friday, November 7, 2008

For the LOVE Of PETE!

Here I was hoping to spend my Friday singing Kumbaya with my fellow man, drink hot chocolate and maybe do some work but shabam! Local new talks about how the No on 8 campaign is violently protesting the LDS church- not just in California but IN UTAH?

Seriously? No- really? Are you kidding me? In Utah? Well hell, with that rational I think I'm going to protest the presidential election- IN MEXICO!

Protesting a church headquartered in Utah- because 54% of the state of CALIFORNIA passed prop8? What on earth is this going to accomplish? Do they think the Church has that kind of influence? I'm sure they'll see the protesters out front and pick up their bat line to Governator and let him know the church has changed their mind, so if the state of California could please deduct the Mormon 2% from the overall vote they'd really appreciate it.

2% TWO PERCENT- that's the amount of the LDS population in California. One, Two. However, the LDS church is apparently the mastermind behind prop8 passing. (I had no idea we had so much power)

Not making much more logic, the homosexual community in California thinks the best way to get their point across is to spew venom at a temple belonging to 2% of the vote.

Who really is to blame for Prop8 passing? Barack Obama. Indeed it's all Barack's fault. 70% of African American voters voted YES on 8. And due to Barack Obama being on the ticket African American voters came out in unprecedented numbers. Click here for the Slate article.

Pop quiz: What are there more of in California, Mormons or African Americans?

In reality, if the homosexual community wanted to direct their anger and frustration towards the REAL source of prop8 passing they'd target president elect Barack Obama

If they wanted to start yelling at the group that put prop8 over the top, they'd be labeling all African Americans as bigots- but dude, you can't do that! So let's go after the MORMONS.

One last thing- even if you opposed Prop8, and you relish the idea that the courts will over turn the decision made by our trusted system of democracy- we should be afraid that the voice of the people will be muted- not on this issue but any issue, because democracy is now ignored and we will now be ruled by appointed judges.

Ok, my rant is done- I feel a little bit better now.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Kumbaya Anyone?

Day 2 after the election and I was hoping that people would let politics die, for at least a week- or how about until January 20th- but no, it's an addiction that isn't easily broken.

I was actually wishing American Idol was on television, I don't even watch American Idol! But maybe, if American Idol was on people would have something else to talk about.

I'd like a political time out. How about we take the hate, anger and criticism that has been so palpable in the atmosphere over the past month and make it disappear. Since this election has been going on for two years, I probably have unrealistic expectations expecting America to go cold turkey- but I'd like to yell from the roof tops 'IT'S OVER!'

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Unless you want to talk about why the utter uselessness of the electoral college- that's one political discussion I'm open to.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Looks Like Being in Utah isn't Half Bad~

When people ask how I like living in Utah- I usually say it's great except for all of the dang mormons. However, living in a strong LDS community has its bonuses according to of all magazines- the Economist!

The Mormon Work Ethic

Why Follow A False Prophet?

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believes in a latter-day prophet. We believe that this prophet is here on earth to give us guidance as to how to live our lives to not only maximize our happiness here on this earth, but to prepare us for the next. God has a history of sending prophets to teach his people. Rarely have these prophets been welcomed, loved or popular.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has never sought to be popular- some of its teachings seem strange- others are extremely basic, such as a huge charity effort and welfare around the world. While some members of its church would like to be more universally accepted, the church its self has never actively sought main stream acceptance.

In 1995 the First Presidency of the Church Released- The Family: A Proclamation to the World. It's pretty cut and dry as to what the church believes the family consists of- with out apology- and stated so 13 years ago.

The Church has come out in ardent support of proposition 8, which many of its members have criticized. I can understand individuals not supporting prop 8. I have a friend who I was curious how she would react to prop. 8 as she is active in church and extremely liberal. However, I don't understand why people would come out against prop.8 violently, and remain members of the church.

Either members that oppose prop.8 are wrong, or the man they deem the Prophet of God is wrong. And if the man that they support as The Prophet of God is wrong- why belong to a false church? Why follow a fallen leader?

There are many things about my faith I don't understand- but that's where faith comes into play and I 'lean not unto my own understanding'. Because I believe in a latter-day prophet I accept that he knows things that I do not know, I believe he is a seer, and has a bit more knowledge about the future than I have. I believe that this man knows more about the impact of Prop.8 than I will. It's one of the basic principles of the LDS church- faith. But it's obvious that thousands of Mormons think they know more than their leaders- and if they do- why remain part of a church that is wrong?

If it was me, and I thought the leadership of the church I belonged to was wrong- that the man I sustain as a mouthpiece of the Lord was false- I'd take my 10% and go.