Friday, December 12, 2008

Bitter

I'm bitter, resentful & annoyed- then I feel guilty about being bitter, then I feel justified, and go back to being annoyed. I'm blaming the hormones- but women really did get a raw deal.

The man goes off to hunt I'm home in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant? No, literally, Brent is out hunting with some buddies and I'm at home with out even socks on making fudge to console myself.

I've become resentful that I have to be home and tired and fat while my husband gets to go do things he loves.

I know, I could go spend money- but there is nothing I want! Curses! The blessings of fasting extend beyond hormonal outrage and plus- who wants to buy anything when they've just put on 50 lbs? FIFTY! The baby weighs 5- so that's 45 lbs I get to work off post baby. Brent doesn't have to lose 45 lbs- where is the justice!?!??!

Women have been going through this pain, suffering and annoyance since the beginning of time and have been considered second class citizens? They should be worshiped! How dare men for years take women for granted! It's the women who suffered! I can't believe that pioneer women even had sex!

But THEN, I think- 'it could be SO much worse. I could have cancer, I'm lucky to have a really wonderful husband. I want Brent to be happy and do things he likes. Anything I wanted to do he'd support'- here's where the guilt comes in full force. How dare I be resentful when I am so blessed? I'm ungrateful.

But in turn- why doesn't Brent ever have to be pregnant? If I want 2 more kids after this why am I the one who gets to suffer 18 more months of pregnancy?!? Brent needs a turn! Why am I the one who has to go through the pain? This is the shaft!- and we quickly slip back to bitter....

Help? Anyone? Please?

18 comments:

Anne said...

If it helps, there are other things that contribute to your weight gain. Here is a basic break down of where the weight is coming from.

Enlargement of uterus – 2 pounds
Placenta – 1½ pounds
Amniotic fluid – 2 pounds
Breast enlargement – 2 pounds
Extra blood and fluid volume – 8 pounds

Your body also stores an average of about 7 lbs. of fat for breast feeding. Breast feeding is the best way to get it off! ;o)

Good luck!

Ben and Kimberly McEvoy said...

I really felt like I was reading my journal reading this post . . .not that I write in a journal since having kids.

I agree we do get the raw deal. But I also feel bad for Ben because he never gets to feel the baby inside. He doesn't get to cuddle and nurse a beautiful baby. Actually it takes our kids about a year before they like Ben.

the kids just automatically love me.

it might not be the best argument but its all i got
Kim

davers said...

Agreed. You got a raw deal. God should've said to Adam ... "By the sweat of thy brow shalt thou work all the days of thy life ... at least until computers, columbines, and 3rd world countries come around to do it for you, so you can go hunting with your buddies."

Happy The Man said...

I'll be the first to happily admit I worship women who sacrifice to give life to another. It is a raw deal, and I feel badly. But men aren't completely out of the woods, we still have to live with our mood swinging, uncomfortable, self conscious, laboring wives (unless of course we escape to go hunting, I don't hunt).

I decided back when we had our first that I'd have extra helpings of ice cream so that my wife could have company in weight gain (yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it). I've carried the weight ever since and she drops after each pregnancy.

A man can never be a mom, he can never have that close bond that a mother has with her child. Is a life time of being a child's most cherished person worth 9 months of horror? I think it is but what do I know, I'm just a man...

Robin said...

This was such a great post. I felt the same way - kinda. I really got into the whole "mother earth" deal. I am the giver of life. And then, like Kim said, you are the most important person to your baby...roland truly was the one "left out" and i felt sorry for him.

heidi said...

i have wondered so many times why pioneer women had sex. really. i wouldn't have even considered it. that would have been a "once we are in the valley..." kind of deal.

Emily said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! Hooo Ho ho ho ho! This is good. I love reading your pregnancy posts.

Joe worships me, so I have no advice.

Just kidding. It sounds like you and Brent, besides the unfairness of it all, have a pretty sweet marriage. With humor and understanding. And a little room for the occasional resentment (it can't always be helped).

You, dear Kory, are going to be a kick-ace mom. I just know it.

love to you and your big fat swollen bare feet--xoxo

Melissa said...

I picked up Henry today and he wrapped his chubby arms TIGHT around my neck and put his face in and nuzzled. Dave said "He doesn't hug me like that." He is right.

I am Mom.

The Pioneer Women. The only thing I can think is that when your are pregnant you don't have periods. Maybe it was worth it??? Heavens, I don't know, I'm reaching here.

Fudge recipe? I'm up for it this year!

Linda said...

Anne made the best comment above, and take heart, it's the truth.

kris and cathy said...

Haha. You're so funny. I've never met you either but have heard your name so many times around the HB house, we could've been roommates :) About the refrigerator with feet comment - hilarious. I'll tell you what though, today I wore white to church and I think people's eyes popped out of their heads. I had about 5 comments on how much bigger I've gotten. Lovely. All in what you wear right? Large. I'm getting large and really uncomfortable. When are you due??

seaside said...

Been there, felt that, you were worth it...and your dad still feels like he is left out. Even the dog loves me more.

I know that doesn't help how you feel now. Oh well. By the way...that is when I perfected making bread.

Becky said...

Breast-feeding is the best post-pregnancy diet you could ever be on, so do it if you can. I lost all my baby weight by 5 months post-partum (but I only gained 35 lbs) and have been slowly slipping below my pre-pregnancy weight ever since. I weigh less now than I did in high school and I'm 32!

Men may not suffer the same way women do, but it'll almost kill your hubby to go without physical gratification until you're up to it again. Six weeks is when it's 'safe' - not necessarily when you'll be ready - and unless you're nice enough to 'deliver' via other methods, he'd probably rather have given birth.

Robin said...

Hurry! Go read "Seriously So Blessed" right now.

Allie said...

I gain around 40lbs each time, and so far, it's all just fallen off, plus some. Breast feeding is the way to go.

Our third, loves my Mister the best, well, until a month ago, he felt special while it lasted. Now I'm the favorite again.

:)

Allie said...

I almost forgot- if Brent gets to do something fun with no responsibilities, you should too.

My Mister likes to go on motorcycle rides with his brothers, so now when he goes, I get a trip too. A few months after his last moab trip, we went to southern utah camped a little, hiked a little, and then checked into a hotel, got cleaned up and went to a couple plays at the shakespearean festival.

You won't be big and pregnant forever (although it feels like it).

Dopp Family said...

I totally understand where you are coming from!!! The guys get to keep doing what they love, while we have to struggle just to get our shoes on each day and if we drop something in the car, we might as well forget it! Being pregnant is no easy job...

Don't worry so much about the weight for now...Within 9 weeks of giving birth, I'd lost about 35 lbs. You'll be surprised how quickly the weight just comes off. Just breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed if you can.

For now, go buy some Epsom Salt and soak in some long baths... that was my favorite thing to do when I was pregnant and the Salts help keep the swelling down (if you're swelling at all).

KDub said...

Ok. It's been 5 days. Another post please. You're at home so there's no excuse.

Salt H2O said...

Kels-
Being at home gives me LESS to blog about- I have no life!