Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Baby Bribe

My first OB measured the fetus in the early months and moved my due date from Jan 14 to Jan 7th. That meant we could induce on December 30th to get the tax break from Uncle Sam. However, I didn't like that OB- so I switched and though the new OB is wonderful, he goes strictly by the calendar- keeping my due date Jan 14th, hence the earliest I can induce is Jan. 7th.

Yesterday we promised the baby a pony if she comes out before 2009. I figured if I put it on the blog with the 6 of you as witnesses- she'll know we're serious. She's got approximately 12 hours to claim her pony- then all deals are off.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Favorite Christmas Card of '08

Travis is a stellar guy. Intelligent, good-looking, driven, and single.

When he asked for addresses to send Christmas Cards out, I wondered 'why would a single guy send out Christmas cards?' Then I opened this:



I've never had a card make me laugh so hard.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Honest Christmas Letter

Dear Friends, Family and people I feel obligated to send a Christmas card to because you sent me one last year,

It’s been a roller coaster year for the Boohers!
Mostly due to Kory’s hormonal imbalance.

Brent started a new job and is very excited about the new opportunity and challenge!
The great challenge will be keeping a job as he is a banker that works for Ford, probably the worst industry you could possibly be in at the moment. So if you could be encouraging of the government extending a loan to the automakers we’d appreciate it. If it doesn't happen, he’s going to become Mr. Mom, and we’ll have to switch to one ply toilet paper.

This past year we got a new dog, Max who Brent absolutely loves and who Kory begrudgingly tolerates. Max is a fabulous hunting dog keep tiny children and animals away from him. Brent has spent a great deal of time pheasant hunting with Max and loves it. Anyone want a dog?

Kory still loves her job. At least that’s what she chants to herself each morning while coming to grips that she’ll be responsible for bringing home the bacon if the government won’t allocate some of those billions they’ve been handing out like lollypops to banks to the auto makers. She is happy that she got to cut down on the travel in these last few months. But no so happy about being too large to fit into an airplane.

We’re expecting our first child any day now, we know you wondered if that would ever happen- and look forward to being parents.
'Look forward' is kind of strong, more like paralyzed with anxious anticipation and total fear.

It’s our second year in our home and we love the neighborhood.
We still have issues with Utah, suffering from seasonal depression, listening to inane local news, and Kory tends to violently shake and dribble a bit in the summer months with out a beach.

If you're in Utah and can come to visit, we'd love to have you! We're going to need babysitters, and if you do stay with us can you make sure you clean up after yourselves? And at least offer to buy some of the food you consume? We won't take you up on the offer- but the offer does need to be extended.

Wishing the best to you and yours. Unless you got into a mortgage you couldn't afford and bought a ton of things on credit, then I'm hoping the government takes your home, your new BMW, forcing you to live in a van down by the river.

Merry Christmas!!

- The Boohers



Note: The enclosed photo is 3 years old because damn! we looked good then. We're not nearly this attractive anymore

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

To Gift, or Not to Gift...


Hypothetically speaking...



You're an exceptionally good gift giver, you don't have many talents, 6 to be exact, but giving good presents happens to be one of them. You're so good that sometimes those who receive your gifts don't realize the genius of the gift until years later.

One Christmas you give a gift to person A- an extremely thoughtful and cleaver gift. Though A attempts to act grateful, you can tell A doesn't quite get the brilliance of the gift. Your feelings aren't hurt because it's obvious that A has lost their sense of humor and self and it is so obvious that this gift is awesome. You tell person A that if they don't like the gift they can sell it on eBay because it is in high demand and worth a lot of money.

A few weeks later person A then mentions that the gift you gave A was the hit a party A recently attended. Everyone loved it. (See even complete strangers recognize your fabulous taste, even if person A doesn't) You ask why A'd take such a gift to a party- from which you defer, not only did person A re-gift your gift, A re-gifted it as a white elephant gift. (The fact that this individual would give away something they could have easily sold for a minimum $45 on eBay as a white elephant gift doesn't quite surprise you, you've already decided A has lost all taste, what amazes you is that A actually thought they were paying you a compliment in how many people liked the gift)

That same person A had mentioned to you that a friend gave A something for free because A had extended a helping hand. Two weeks later you get the exact same item that A was telling you A got for free as a Christmas present.

Person A has also made it a habit to never write a thank you note, nor even a phone call extending thanks for gifts (very, very thoughtful gifts) that were previously given for a variety of holidays and occasions.

So here’s the question: Do you continue to give gifts that go unappreciated? Granted you don’t give a gift for appreciation, but if the receiver is going to donate the gift to the Salvation Army, what’s the point?

I've previously blogged about how to receive more presents but as gift giver is there a point in time come where you say- "dude, from now on out you just get cards"?

Friday, December 12, 2008

Bitter

I'm bitter, resentful & annoyed- then I feel guilty about being bitter, then I feel justified, and go back to being annoyed. I'm blaming the hormones- but women really did get a raw deal.

The man goes off to hunt I'm home in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant? No, literally, Brent is out hunting with some buddies and I'm at home with out even socks on making fudge to console myself.

I've become resentful that I have to be home and tired and fat while my husband gets to go do things he loves.

I know, I could go spend money- but there is nothing I want! Curses! The blessings of fasting extend beyond hormonal outrage and plus- who wants to buy anything when they've just put on 50 lbs? FIFTY! The baby weighs 5- so that's 45 lbs I get to work off post baby. Brent doesn't have to lose 45 lbs- where is the justice!?!??!

Women have been going through this pain, suffering and annoyance since the beginning of time and have been considered second class citizens? They should be worshiped! How dare men for years take women for granted! It's the women who suffered! I can't believe that pioneer women even had sex!

But THEN, I think- 'it could be SO much worse. I could have cancer, I'm lucky to have a really wonderful husband. I want Brent to be happy and do things he likes. Anything I wanted to do he'd support'- here's where the guilt comes in full force. How dare I be resentful when I am so blessed? I'm ungrateful.

But in turn- why doesn't Brent ever have to be pregnant? If I want 2 more kids after this why am I the one who gets to suffer 18 more months of pregnancy?!? Brent needs a turn! Why am I the one who has to go through the pain? This is the shaft!- and we quickly slip back to bitter....

Help? Anyone? Please?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Proposition D8

Caution: If you're not A- Mormon nor B- Have been in a singles ward- you won't get it.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Celebrating Christmas Year Round

It really is tragic that people only feel the Christmas spirit one month a year. In our house we try to be better than that, and invite the spirit of Christmas every day into our home. Which is why this-





has a permanent spot in our living room. Nothing says Christmas like a leg lamp, and who are we to hide the leg lamp under bushel? We let that light shine 12 months a year.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Birthing Question

In birthing class last week (which has been surprisingly helpful) they focused on breathing techniques- and the teacher said, "You really want to control your breathing so you don't black out"

Kory raises her hand: "So, what's so bad about passing out? Why would you not want to pass out while in labor?"

Teacher with a look of shock on her face: "If you pass out you could miss the whole birthing experience"

Kory: "Ok, um, let me ask this again. Why would you NOT want to pass out?"

Teacher looks at Kory and Brent with a blank stare-

Underestimating my wussdom

I had to have a mole removed off of my back by the dermatologist. They had to take out a substantial chunk of flesh to make sure it didn't turn cancerous.

I was ok for the procedure- I was laying flat down on my stomach and was completely numbed up. I did get some stitches and was told to come back to the doctor in a week to have the stitches removed.

I was some what concerned about feeling the tugging of the removal of the stitches. In the doctors office I sat on the edge of the exam bed and told the nurse that I get queasy very easily. She dismissed the statement because hey, it was only stitches, and while she removed them I didn't feel a thing. But then she said, "oh, it looks like your allergic to adhesive, you have a few little pimples where the band aid was"

Suddenly I started to feel light headed- I started thinking to myself:
"Kory, it's just a pimple. Why are you feeling light headed about a pimple? Are you seriously feeling dizzy over a pimple? Kory, get over it- uh, oh, I can't hear anything any more, I lost my hearing? this can't be..." Shabam! Next thing I know I'm waking up on the floor of the exam room. I passed out and did a head dive off of the exam table onto the carpet. I actually had a rug burn- on my FACE.

I blacked out over a pimple. This my friends, is another reason why passing out completely may be the only way this child ever comes out.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I'm a Wuss


I've never been good with blood or needles- I close my eyes when watching House, if you start to tell me a story that involves blood, wounds or any sort of physical pain I'll plug my ears. I am a wuss. I know I'm a wuss. I've accepted total wussdom.

A year or so ago I had a colonoscopy. The procedure itself isn't nearly as terrible as having to drink the 5 gallons of nasty nasty clear solution that makes you poop water.

Typically they just drug you to relax for the colonoscopy, you're completely awake during it. In the hospital the nurse was preparing me for the iv and I warned her, "Look, I tend to get a bit queasy so you're going to have to do this quickly"

She said 'no problem' and then after poking me said, 'Uh oh, your blood isn't threading- we're going to have to poke you again. Don't worry- I'll get someone else to do it.' My breathing gets a bit more rapid, the heart starts to pound a bit more.

Nurse #2 comes over and pokes me in my other hand, and then proceeds to say, "it's still not threading, we're going to have to poke you again"- Surely this nurse isn't so stupid as to get this wrong again and then proceed to announce it to the patient with her head between her knees and trying not to freak out. They go to get another nurse, they poke me this time in my arm- the nurse says a third time, "It's still not threading!"

At that point I'm handed a paper bag to breathe into, put on a bed and rolled in to see the doctor. I'm at the brink of passing out. Entering the procedure room- the doctor looks at me and says "I hear you're not very good with needles" it took me all of half a second to reply, "Yeah, and neither are your nurses!"

That is the last I remember, instead of just relaxing me for the procedure they put me under completely. I'm thinking passing out may end up being my only line of defense in labor.

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Push Present


It's no secret that I say things that annoy most women- why would this post be any different?

I learned of the Push Present two years ago, and thought it strange. A man gives a woman some sort of bauble because she gave birth to his child. The baby isn't gift enough, the woman needs some tangible piece of appreciation from the man. I thought maybe it was the man's way of saying "Sorry you suffered so much for this child, because I can't suffer I'm going to go out and buy you something" which doesn't make much sense either- because any good pregnant woman makes her husband suffer just as much as she has- for the full nine months. (Ask Brent how much sleep he's gotten recently)

The push present is a pat on the head, "Good job woman, you gave birth to my child, here is your reward" and since being pregnant myself I've decided it's demeaning and trivial. That little blue box from Tiffany's immediately devalues the precious new life put in your arms. A baby isn't enough, the woman now expects the man to reward her for her efforts with jewelry.

Talk about a giant step backwards for feminism! A feminist doesn't have a child because she will be rewarded by the man, she doesn't expect gifts for doing things she wants to do. She is in a partnership with her husband, and when she suffers through birth she expects and knows that her husband has or will equally suffer for the family in other ways- and no trudging into the local mall and having something gift wrapped isn't suffering- it's something I very well can do myself.

Way to go women! Tell men that there is a financial equivalent to carrying and giving birth to a child. Men you're in luck- take an hour to do something that is no sacrifice, takes no genuine thought, doesn't alter your life in the slightest to thank a woman who spent months in misery. Ladies, best of all you can brag about it to your friends!

Which brings the surface another social ill- the competition between women in all things trivial and worthless. Like the comparing the size of wedding rings isn't enough (My husband makes WAY more money than yours, see my ring is bigger!) Now women get to compare push presents. Another avenue where they get to tell other women that they are only as valuable as the gifts their husbands give them. Awesome.

A true push present is to honor the woman that gave birth, to wake up in the middle of the night with the baby, to change diapers, clean the house, do the laundry, take the baby in for shots- and tell the woman she's beautiful each day after birth that she's carrying that pregnancy weight. The true push present is a husband who is loving, supportive, and protective of his wife and child. Not some worthless trinket.

Now, if a husband sees his wife in pain, tired, and frazzled and would like to do something spontaneous to make her happy- it's a different story. It's the "I give you present for being good woman and bearing my seed in your loins" which is offensive. Call it a push present and you might as well be a concubine trying to produce an heir for the king so you can be rewarded.

The world is becoming more and more superficial- despite harsh economic times- and women desiring push presents when a sweet baby is given to them is pathetic. Like so many things that undermine respect for women and motherhood- it's not men but women that have chosen to minimalize themselves.