Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Hookin' a Brother Up

I don't posses many talents, specifically, I have two: First- I can pick out the perfect pair of glasses for any face within the first 3 minutes of walking into a store.

The first talent has something to do with looking like this as a child:

It's become second nature to know which set of glasses is going to look best on any one's face. I know you're jealous, some of us were just blessed. I'm sorry, it's something that can't be taught, it's an inherent skill that took years to inquire. I just know. I'm probably going to be held accountable at the last days because I've been hiding this talent under a bushel.

Since I can't teach the first talent, I'll share some information on how to acquire the second- setting people up.

I've yet to meet anyone who can match my skills, I'll practically break my own arm patting myself on the back for this one. 2 Marriages, many fabulous realtionships and one couple that drove 1/2 way to Vegas to my name. (They really should have gotten married, I've never met a couple that was more Saturday's Warrior, but they had a Hubble situation on their hands. Kind of tragic really- anyhow I digress..) I've yet to have someone tell me that the date they set them up on was a mistake or that they couldn't see it going somewhere. Seriously, I'm good- so this is how it's done:

1st- Single people are not single because they can't get married, they're single because they've chosen not to get married yet. When contemplating setting up a single friend don't think "who do I know that's single?" think "who do I know that this person would get along splendidly with?"

2nd- Don't build up the blind date. Do let the two you are setting up know why you think they would like the other person- but don't say that they are 'so perfect for each other'. Keep the information about the other person as minimal as possible.

3rd- If you can avoid it, don't set up people on a blind date. The sneaky set up works best. Have a get together inviting a number of people who are single- but don't go pairing anyone off. Don't tell the people you'd like to meet that you're setting them up. Just create a casual and fun environment where the two can meet.

I enticed my neighbor to come to a dinner party by telling him I was going to set him up with one person, when in reality I wanted him to meet someone completely different. That way at the party he didn't feel any pressure when he met person #2. In addition, his roommate was a total flirt that I knew would monopolise person #2, so I didn't invite him. They now have 2 kids.

You'll find that most single people want to be set up if it's with someone that they will genuinely like, not if it's just someone else that is single- that's offensive. It's telling them that they should just settle for anyone.

Single friends: Am I missing anything here? Please share your insight-
And speaking of 'sight' (oh, sooo punny!)if you need some glasses give me a call, I'll hook ya up.


Christin said...

Oh my goodness this is so right on. I am linking my blog to it. Set ups have gotten a bad name because no one knows how to do it. Being "nice" or "LDS" or having a job does not qualify someone as a good date. I will marry someone nice and LDS, employed, and attractive; those are givens, it's the spark and compatibility that I am looking for, and the reason I am not married is because I haven't found all of those things in one person. Finally someone gets it! Thank you thank you!

Britt said...

Kory I am so glad that I wear Contacts so that I do not have to ask you for glasses advice.:)

ebv said...

K, so I got this link from Christin. Consider your message proselytized. :D

Totally agree with point #3. I've set up 6 couples in my "hitch" career that way--just brought them to activities, or hangouts, or gamenights, etc.

It's fantastically effective, and let's them take charge of what they're going to do about the situation. If they don't hit it off, they can get out easily. If they do...sparks fly, fun is had, and babies are made.

nice post!


Emily said...

Kory, this was fun to read. Joe and I are the YSA leaders here--good reminders. :-)

Courtney said...

Kory -

You are sooooo right on the nose. Everything you said is absolutely true, and I appreciate the acknowledgement that just because two people are single and similar in age, doesn't necessarily mean they will be a perfect match. That's so annoying!!

You can set me up any day!!

Della Hill said...

It's a good thing I don't need glasses, because I would definitely pick out ones that would look really bad on me.
And I live in VA, too far to borrow your expertise.
I met my husband on a blind date.
The scarier part is that his very own mother set it up.
But the good part of that is that if she ever has a problem with me it's her own fault.
(We actually get along great).

Sally said...

Excellent post!

Melissa said...

I like this! You are good.

I need glasses advice. Are you headed back East anytime soon? (All of my childhood pictures look like yours. ugh.)

nrthshore said...

Hey, those were cute photos and those glasses kept Kory from ending up with displaced values. Ugly glasses can be good. So can braces on the teeth.

Setting people up, oh my. Too much responsibility there for me.

davers said...

Great counsel, although it seemed like a review of the first 29 years of my life. I had a 10:1 bad to good blind-date ratio for 29 years before I finally found Melissa and brainwashed her into marrying me. I was no stranger to the bad blind date.

I remember I had one date when I was 24 where afterward I said "Wow, thanks ... a blind date that didn't suck!" She responded with similar amazement: "I know, isn't that weird?! I actually had fun! I've never had fun on a blind date before." I never saw her again, which was fine because the point of a successful date should be to have fun, not find an eternal mate.

Another thing ... sometimes it's hard when you've been set up on a bad blind date to not think "What were they thinking ... setting me up with THIS person?" and trying not to be offended. And you're thinking that, not because you're a judgmental jerk, but because you thought your setter-upper knew you better than that, which thought can be very vexing.

But that association (that best friends know what attracts each other) just isn't true ... which brings me to this other important point: Knowing someone well has nothing to do with knowing what kind of person really turns them on, so don't jump to conclusions.

In other words, they may be your best friend the truth is that you really have no idea of what kind of person they would find attractive unless you've talked about it in very plain terms.

Just say "What kind of person should I set you up with, and be honest, I won't judge you." They'll be happy someone finally asked and you might be very surprised at their response.

For example I had one friend of whom I asked this question and #1 on his list was this: "She has to have a great singing voice." Gee whiz. Who'da thunk it?

I told him to get a great CD for whenever he wanted to hear great singing, and re-adjust his priorities. He did and now he's married to an awesome girl who can't sing worth spit. And he's insanely in love (with is wife, and with the CD).

davers said...

I'm sorry, but I just have to drone on (I stopped blogging myself 2 months ago so now I give long-winded comments nobody reads - as opposed to a blog nobody reads) ...

Anyway, just because someone is over 25, or out of shape, or they just have some personality quirks (okay, so maybe this is a little autobiographical) ... they still might have rather high standards and might not see the disparity between what they want and what they're likely to get in their current state. In other words, you might provide some pointers as to how to improve their success rate if necessary to meet their goals.

I've recommend to many single people that they read "Intimate Connections" by David Burns, regardless how successful they are at dating and romance, and regardless whether they're even interested in finding a spouse. If nothing else it's great counsel for life in general. Everyone who did it at my suggestion (more than just a couple) thanked me profusely afterward.

I read it, and it gave me the tools necessary to brainwash Melissa on our 2nd date into marrying me (actually it was me that was brainwashed by her beauty, and for once I did everything right when it really mattered). Similarly, if you want to be a successful match-maker then occasionally you may need to help others to help themselves.

Lastly, just because someone is nice it doesn't mean they also only care about other people's inner-beauty. Being super-nice doesn't mean they think only purely non-judgmental thoughts. In fact, I find nice people are often very shallow when it comes to the opposite sex, and I wouldn't even suggest setting up a shallow person unless they ask for it (face it: you're no Anthony Robbins). This underscores the above counsel from my previous post: Assume nothing and instead first find out what gets their engine revving.

davers said...

2 Warnings: 1) now I remember, "intimate connections" has a chapter that's yucky. Skipping it won't hurt continuity. 2) "Intimate connections" will only help your match-making efforts by you recommending it to those who are frustrated with dating. Don't read it yourself unless you're single. I got rid of my copy when I got married.

Salt H2O said...

Great advice! I think all of us that are LDS and got married in our late 20's/30's should get together and write a book- with two parts 1- for those that are still single and most importantly 2- advice and rules for those that are married and have single people in their lives.

BTW: I'm sad you're not blogging any more!

davers said...

Hey, I agree. What would we call it? I like "Good things come to those who wait".

I'm so glad you're blogging still ... and you get a larger readership than I did, which I think is great because you're always right on the mark. I hope I don't monopolize your comments too much. Sometimes I just can't shut up, which is one of the reasons I stopped blogging. I only published less than half the things I wrote.

Linda said...

I remember that cute little girl with the glasses. She's still a doll.

When are you going to lose the word verification?

crazy4danes said...

Too funny! I had no idea you were such a match maker!!! LOL...very cute post! :)

Allie said...

My problems is that I have so few single friends, or maybe it's not a problem. I don't know any single guys so I can't set my single friend up with any one.

(Maybe I need to introduce her to you...)

Sarah said...

I love just about every picture of your cute little face - even hidden behind those amazingly large glasses. HAHAHAHA.

Kam said...

I think I need help in general Kory... I'm kind of a lost cause. Just teasin'!

Tanner and Jenna said...

hahaha- now THAT'S the Kory I remember....