Conversations in my brain: (James Joyce Style except with punctuation)
Oh man, the baby is farting like a 15 year old boy at scout camp. Maybe it's because she's getting a breast milk/formula combo, or it's because I have to take a stool softener. The diet coke could be why she's not getting much sleep, right, like giving up diet coke is an option- she's so unhappy when she toots, that can't be good- maybe I should go to just formula. Ooo, no more pumping in random parking lots before I go into a meeting when I'm traveling for work. Going to straight formula would be easier on her system, then we wouldn't have to give her an enema to go poop. Do I want her to go to formula just to make my life easier or hers? Hold up, every time I pump calories leave my body. I need calories to leave my body, but it may be better for her system to only have one kind of milk, and I could actually take pain meds and I'd get time back- oh sweet precious time. I'm selfish. Selfish vain mommy. Pump because it helps me loose weight but gives her painful gas, quit pumping to gain time and freedom, but baby gets no breast milk benefits. Plenty of really smart, neat people were raised on formula- do I really think that my child will be better with breast milk? But shouldn't I do everything i can for my baby's health? Does it matter? Am I really putting my kid in front of the tv at 3 months so I can exercise? Bad mommy. Then again, it's not like I'm going to sit there and wave colors at the kid while singing. It's just 15 minutes- but 15 minutes today, 30 minutes tomorrow, next thing I'll be using PBS to babysit my kid. A healthy mommy is a happy mommy, but what comes first: the happy mommy or the happy baby? Then again, she's happy when she's drinking formula, and laughs and giggles at baby einstein. With this much guilt I really should be Catholic.