Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Guilty!

Conversations in my brain: (James Joyce Style except with punctuation)

Oh man, the baby is farting like a 15 year old boy at scout camp. Maybe it's because she's getting a breast milk/formula combo, or it's because I have to take a stool softener. The diet coke could be why she's not getting much sleep, right, like giving up diet coke is an option- she's so unhappy when she toots, that can't be good- maybe I should go to just formula. Ooo, no more pumping in random parking lots before I go into a meeting when I'm traveling for work. Going to straight formula would be easier on her system, then we wouldn't have to give her an enema to go poop. Do I want her to go to formula just to make my life easier or hers? Hold up, every time I pump calories leave my body. I need calories to leave my body, but it may be better for her system to only have one kind of milk, and I could actually take pain meds and I'd get time back- oh sweet precious time. I'm selfish. Selfish vain mommy. Pump because it helps me loose weight but gives her painful gas, quit pumping to gain time and freedom, but baby gets no breast milk benefits. Plenty of really smart, neat people were raised on formula- do I really think that my child will be better with breast milk? But shouldn't I do everything i can for my baby's health? Does it matter? Am I really putting my kid in front of the tv at 3 months so I can exercise? Bad mommy. Then again, it's not like I'm going to sit there and wave colors at the kid while singing. It's just 15 minutes- but 15 minutes today, 30 minutes tomorrow, next thing I'll be using PBS to babysit my kid. A healthy mommy is a happy mommy, but what comes first: the happy mommy or the happy baby? Then again, she's happy when she's drinking formula, and laughs and giggles at baby einstein. With this much guilt I really should be Catholic.

14 comments:

Steve said...

Haha, classic!

You could always do the formula during part of the day (the part you aren't there) and 'pump and dump' to keep the milk up and then feed like normal when you are there.

As for the tv, yes, bad mommy! haha. But I damn well Scarlett will be watching Flyers playoff games next month, haha, even if her mother doesn't know!

Robin said...

I don't think post was asking for advice. BUT. As your oldest cousin, I will advise you to do what you want. There will be lots of people who tell you to do it one way or another and if you listen to them rather than your gut you will be frustrated.

I nursed Hannah until 5 months because she wasn't a good nurser - or - I wasn't a good nurser. It was horrible and I felt guilt. The boys nursed for 12 months. Overall, I think nursing is easiest if mom and baby are both enjoying it. But if not, formula isn't going to hurt sweet baby S. Just make sure if you do formula to hold her like you are nursing and not prop the bottle. Babies need that face time and cuddling.

davers said...

Amen to Robin's comments.

With 5 kids let me tell you ... kids are remarkably resilient ... whether it's food we make them eat (I was bottle fed from infancy because back then people though breast milk was unhealthy), or enduring the psychobable we crazy adults subject them to - they'll be fine in the end if somehow you also love them (and show it), guide them, and believe in them (and show you believe in them).

I used to think there was a right and a wrong way to parent ... now I'm convinced almost any kind of parenting is good in the long run if well intended. So what if you screw up while you're trying ... you're trying. That's what's important.

Some techniques obviously make parenting more pleasant, but I'm now a strong convert in the adage "lead up a kid in the right way and they won't depart from it". In the meantime it might be heaven or hell, but almost always in the long term (sometimes very very long term after much heartache) it all ends up right.

Bottom line: if you're already always trying to do what's in the best interest in the child, and if that's what kind of mom you are then things are going to end up okay. So go ahead: do what makes mommy happy. A healthy mommy is a happy mommy, and a happy mommy is more likely to end up with a happy baby.

Brock said...

I think Mormons are way more into guilt than Catholics.

Melissa said...

:) I've been thinking about this all day. I love my sweetheart's comments. I should add that he has also always told me to do whatever it takes to make parenting easier-- buy the swing, the bouncy chair, the Max and Ruby shows...

you are great Kory. Did you know parenting would open up flood gates of guilt? I didn't have any idea. I feel guilty over the lamest things.

nrthshore said...

Maybe your guilt is even bigger than Catholic guilt because you won't let it go...Jewish guilt. That type of guilt just doesn't go away and you do have some Jewish heritage.

So just own the guilt. It is yours. And let Samantha watch baby Einstein. You go eat an over size bowl of ice cream and feel guilty afterward.

Not "bad mommy". You are "self guilt mommy".

Tim and Kirst said...

What a predicament! Let me know how "that" works for ya--whatever "that" is. :) In 3 weeks time (when I return to work) I'll be asking myself the same darn questions.

Emily said...

Oh yeah. I'm guilty too. ;-)

Baby S is so lucky to have you as a mom.

Do you ever think about babies whose moms don't even bother to think about these things? Don't bother to feel guilty?

I guess I'm saying that guilt is good? I don't know what the heck I'm talking about.

xoxo

crazy4danes said...

B is a genius and he only had formula! LOL...as for letting Baby Einstein sit her for a few minutes while you work out...totally fine!!! You need to take care of yourself or you will start to feel like you are loosing yourself, and that's not good. As long as she's not watching crap like Family Guy I think you both will be OK! :)

Salt H2O said...

well, she does really like the simpsons!

Carrie and Karl said...

I'm glad I'm not the only mom who feels guilty about doing things that are good for me. Just so you know: It's ok to quit nursing, I was able to enjoy baby #1 more after I quit nursing him. Also, exercise is WAY important for postpartum moms, definitely worth a little TV time.
Good luck!

Jo's Outlet said...

I am probably reiterating what people have already said. And I know you're not asking for advice, but I'd like to give you a little support here. You definitely have to do what works for YOU AND the baby.

I'm a working mom, too. I managed to pump at work and breastfeed at home for 10 months and my baby weaned himself after that. I really enjoyed the breastfeeding but I was glad to be done with the pumping. I think the reason it worked for me was because I was bound to an office (with a lock-able door.) It was feasible.

You are not trying to pattern your life after anyone else, though. Pumping and breastfeeding will work for your baby if it works for you first. If you are traveling a lot and you don't have time to pump, then go to formula.

The main thing to remember is this: If YOU are NOT stressed, your baby will thrive no matter what. Anything you can do to take care of yourself (exercise, formula, nights out w/ hubby, etc.) will be better for the entire family! :)

You're an intelligent mom - You will figure this out! :) :)

Jo's Outlet said...

P.S. I had to give up the Diet Dr. Pepper once I realized the non-stop infant crying was due to the gas. It was tough! I love carbonation. Good thing we figured that out, though! He turned into a little angel (almost) after I laid off the carbonation.
If you really need to keep the Diet Coke, you'll be happier and your baby will be happier w/out the breastmilk. Believe me, I understand.

Allie said...

The thing I feel the guiltiest over is my #2 son's flat head.

When he was a newborn, he slept in a pack 'n' play in our bedroom. He has a flat head because he was always watching the TV from the same direction.

He's 5, and I still feel bad.