Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Crazy Things Mormons Believe

To make things easy for everyone that thinks Mormons are a bunch nutcases: here's the top 10 Crazy things Mormons believe: Brace yourself for a shock- the Senate Majority leader, yes Harry Reid- one of the most powerful individuals in the world- is a practicing Mormon and believes all of the below.

10. A man built a ship- put two of every animal on that ship, the entire earth was flooded, all humanity and animal life were destroyed except for those on the boat.

9. A woman was turned to a pillar of salt. PILLAR of Salt people.

8. God had his prophet swallowed by a fish, and then regurgitated by said fish and lived.

7. A man had ridiculous strength because he never cut his hair.

6. The sea has been split in half- and thousands of people walked across the sea on dry ground.

5. There once was a staff that if you would just look at it, it would heal you.

4. At one time the first born of every family that did not put blood over their door was killed.

3. Man has walked on water.

2. Mr. Ed existed, but he wasn't a horse- he was a donkey.

1.  A Virgin gave birth to the Son of God.

Makes some gold plates, not drinking coffee, and a lot of food storage look pretty mild doesn't it?

*Update: Even Stepphen Colbert Agrees

Friday, January 21, 2011

An IQ test



And you'll get:

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I don't want Rockin' Abs and other goals I don't have

I have a friend who has a 6 pack- her abs are awesome. She eats raw food and works out about 3 hours a day.

I have no desire to ever have a 6 pack or even a 2 pack.

You see, I LIKE chocolate chip cookies on a Sunday evening- and then Monday morning for breakfast.

So it's settled, I will never have rockin' abs because I'd rather have cookies and 2 extra hours in my day.

I will also never have nice nails for more than a week every 3 months. $34 a month for nail care? Let me whip out my handy dandy calculator- that's $408 a year, for 20 years? I could have a car! Every time I see a well manicured hand I think "Shoot, I should really get my nails done, and she may have nice hands but in 20 years I'll be able to afford a Toyota Corala with 120,000 miles on it."

Speaking of nice cars- I really don't want to drive a Mercedes, BMW, Porsche or Audi. So luxury car- that's a total non-goal. If I could have any car in the world it would be my 2002 Jeep Grand Cherokee which I was forced to give up practically at gunpoint. ANY CAR in the world and I'd like that one back please.

So back to the abs. It's kind of nice saying "you've got great abs, and I admire the work sacrifice and dedication involved and I can say with all the conviction in my heart and soul- no thank you" I'd like to find some more goals I don't want. Sure is easier than executing on the ones I do.