Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Crazy Things Mormons Believe

To make things easy for everyone that thinks Mormons are a bunch nutcases: here's the top 10 Crazy things Mormons believe: Brace yourself for a shock- the Senate Majority leader, yes Harry Reid- one of the most powerful individuals in the world- is a practicing Mormon and believes all of the below.

10. A man built a ship- put two of every animal on that ship, the entire earth was flooded, all humanity and animal life were destroyed except for those on the boat.

9. A woman was turned to a pillar of salt. PILLAR of Salt people.

8. God had his prophet swallowed by a fish, and then regurgitated by said fish and lived.

7. A man had ridiculous strength because he never cut his hair.

6. The sea has been split in half- and thousands of people walked across the sea on dry ground.

5. There once was a staff that if you would just look at it, it would heal you.

4. At one time the first born of every family that did not put blood over their door was killed.

3. Man has walked on water.

2. Mr. Ed existed, but he wasn't a horse- he was a donkey.

1.  A Virgin gave birth to the Son of God.

Makes some gold plates, not drinking coffee, and a lot of food storage look pretty mild doesn't it?

*Update: Even Stepphen Colbert Agrees


Salt H2O said...

I will delete comments that I find in poor taste

Silvs said...

That's only the Biblical stuff, so that includes some ordinary Christians too. We Mormons have our own things unique to us.

Salt H2O said...

Silvs- You hit the point of this post on the head- the strangest things Mormons believe- the majority of Christians believe as well.

lawafterthebar said...

RE: #10 It was more than just two of every animal...those were just the "unclean" ones. There were more of others...

But that's not the crazy part. The crazy part is all the crap they must of had to shovel to keep that thing sanitary!

Linda said...

yup. I believe it.

goddessdivine said...

Actually, sometimes I wonder what Harry Reid actually believes....

deerie65775 said...

I love this post! I was trying to figure out how to share it on facebook!!

Jess said...

I love this list! I think I'm going to borrow it when I encounter the crazies who think I am crazy. :)

heidiluxe said...

really great. crazy is a great flavor.

KDub said...


Steve said...

So, essentially, you are saying ALL Christians are as 'crazy' as Mormons? :) I think there are a few Islamic brotherhoods that would agree! haha. It's also why I never understand how people can literally believe the Bible or the BoM, but that is just me. :)

Salt H2O said...

I'm just saying- any one that believes the bible is the word of God believes things much crazier than that a bunch of gold plates were translated by a boy.

Steve said...

I think I am somewhat uniquely qualified (in this tiny, microcosm universe that is your blog readership) to talk about this a little since I had beliefs before, during, and after attending Mormon church events.

Obviously, no matter what someone believes; Christian, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Scientology, etc., what that person believes on faith can not be challenged or changed when presented by facts. You won't be able to convince a Hindi that Joseph Smith was all knowing any more than they could convince you an eight armed woman rules the universe (oh, and don't eat that burger!).

Ok, so having to take ration comparisons and persuasion out of the conversation, it then becomes the leap people are willing to make with their faith. Some are ok with an all-knowing diety (Judiasm, non-Mormon Christians, Muslims), some with alternate versions (Mormons, Pentecostals, other 'divisions' that use the 'forbidden' or alternate books of the Bible, etc.) or aliens (Scientologists) male-female 'gods' (Wicca), four male 'gods' (other Wicca), etc.

Thus, Mormons simply, and throughout their relatively short history, a in a minority thought that the majority of people do not share, thus are misunderstood/feared/laughed at much like all sub-culture people are to one extent or another.

One thing the Church has done right is not tried to fight these 'stereotypes' or 'discrimination' directly. If Mormons were to take to the street and demand "acceptance", which I think generally most people are ok with, then there would be a backlash.

Anyways, my point is, aurguing over "beliefs" is a lost cause and has been going on since BEFORE Biblical times (if you are one that can even believe in such a time!) and brings nothing but grief to the world. Not saying good dialogue can't bridge those gaps, but trying to convince another party that your beliefs are more 'correct' than theirs is not only a losing battle, but in my opinion, anti-American (not saying you are guilty of this, not at all!, but pointing out the hypocracy of many Christian-Conservatives).

Miz Kizzle said...

At least we Presbyterians don't believe that men get to become gods on their own planets while their wives have to spend eternity drying their husbands' feet with their hair.
And we don't believe in magic eyeglasses and mysterious golden plates that nobody ever gets to see or the fact that God hates beer. I happen to know that God LOVES beer and those who drink it.

Salt H2O said...

Mz Kizzle-

HURRAY!! Another total stranger on the internet telling me what I believe. That's my favorite. You've got some new ones- the hair thing is almost as good as when I was told we put dead people in bathtubs and hit them with sticks.

Just because a religion or person for that matter believes you should or shouldn't do something, it doesn't mean in turn that they also believe that God hates everyone that doesn't believe or do as they do- for example: Mormons believe that fruit and vegetables should be eaten in their season. Your logic would lead us to believe that we think God hates everyone that doesn't eat fruits and veggies in their season.

Let’s take the two beliefs you referenced which hold some truth to them: 'Gods on their own planets' versus 'Swallowed by a big fish, lived in that fish- and then regurgitated'? Seriously, I think the fish think is a BIT more out there on the crazy scale.

'Magic eyeglasses and Mysterious Golden plates' versus 'Two of every animal put on a boat and the entire earth upon which you and I stand is flooded' or 'talking donkey'- I'm inclined on the crazy scale of my beliefs to put the magic glasses way below the animals on a boat.

In the world of 'crazy' a virgin giving birth to the son of God kind of takes the cake- but then again I believe in all of it.

The point is no religion should be talking about how 'crazy' another religion is- because when it boils down to it, we all believe a number of things that are unbelievable. The only people that really can call a religion crazy with out being total hypocrites are atheists.

AL said...

Two definitions of insane are: 1. In a state of mind that prevents normal perception, behavior, or social interaction and 2. Extremely foolish; irrational or illogical.

I think both Christians and Mormons are clearly covered by these.

Unknown said...

Kory, I love how you wrote:
"The point is no religion should be talking about how 'crazy' another religion is- because when it boils down to it, we all believe a number of things that are unbelievable."

Belief is 'faith' and that's the whole basis of any religion. And most of the time that is 'blind' faith. Non of it can be proven scientifically.

I think the real meaning here is tolerance. We all need to practice tolerance and realize we are all interconnected.

Then you said:
"The only people that really can call a religion crazy without being total hypocrites are atheists."

Even they're recruiting! I saw a billboard promoting Atheism on the 55fwy the other day... They still believe is something and that something is 'nothing' and then they would still be telling us we're wrong.

Michael said...

I find it all ridiculous! This is actually meant to defend Mormon ideas? No... This just stacks more craziness on top of it. We know that Mormons believed Jesus stopped by America and that Jews sailed here in giant boats in ancient times, but you also believe all of the crazy Noah's Ark ridiculousness too? Boy oh boy. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Salt H2O said...


If you read through the comments you'd see the purpose of this post is to point out that Mormons are no more crazy than any Jew or Christian when it comes to outlandish beliefs.

Not necessarily to defend Mormonism- but to point out- the craziest things Mormons believe, Catholics and Protestants believe as well.