Saturday, May 31, 2014

Mothers Devaluing Motherhood

"Back when we were in MBA school"

First thought: "I didn't know you had your MBA"
Next thoughts: "That seems like something she would have casually mentioned- I mean getting your MBA while your husband is getting his and having 3 kids is quite the feat. Why would she wait so long to causally mention that?"

I realized she meant- while her HUSBAND was in MBA school.

I've heard this before: While we were in dental school, while we were in med school.. we were in law school etc.  It's in the same vein of 'we're pregnant'.  No dude- you're not pregnant- your wife is, don't try to take ownership of her pain. You can say 'we're expecting a baby' but you most certainly are not pregnant. Believe me you'll get sympathy enough by just mentioning you have a pregnant wife.

The same goes for women that feel compelled to attach themselves to their husband's academic or career achievements.  That's 100% his. Raising 3 kids while your husband is in MBA school is an achievement.  Own that achievement.  Your husband's degree though is no more yours than it is your husband's parents. Your achievements are yours. Yes, a couple is a team- however when LeBron makes a shot- the Heat all benefit- but it's still LeBron's shot- it's his record.

Women, your role is impressive, valuable and own it. By attaching yourselves to your husbands achievements it shows insecurity and not only that- it devalues what you do.

I have a good friend who's husband is an anesthesiologist.  The woman raised 5 young boys while her husband was deployed in Iraq.  I don't think it's ever crossed her mind to say "when we were in medical school" because she knows that what she has accomplished and does each day has so much more value than medical school, there's no need to lay claim to her spouse's achievements.

The first step to society fully appreciating the value of stay at home moms is for women to fully know that value themselves.

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